Jackson has a lot to say and I have a secret.

He talks. All the time. From the minute he wakes up til we tuck him in at night. Then I can hear him from the living room talking, singing and chanting until he falls asleep. The kind of things he says are largely varied.

He puts random items on his head, like a book, and runs around chanting "I'm the guy with the book on his head!" "I'm the guy with the car on his head" I think this may be a spongebob thing.

He gets very upset if, when driving, he decides I am going the wrong way. If I take a different route than he expects to the Palace or on the way home, he gets so mad and cries from the back seat about how I am not going the right way and how we will never get home. "Home, I miss you," he cries pathetically.

He has invented a game he calls 'potato tickle' which is 'one potato, two potato - the fist game - except you don't say 'seven potato more' you say 'seven potato TICKLE!' and then tickle the hell out of him.

He has started to draw some pretty good stick figures and make some people-like sculptures out of play dough. I took a picture of his latest work to share with you. Good stuff. In the above pic, that is Jackson's self-portrait. The round thing on his torso he says is his tummy. Like a balloon. In the pic below, Jackson says the figure on the left is him, the one on the right is me. I think I have a duck bill. He says it is my smile.


So I have decided to officially out myself. I am expecting again. It is too early to out myself - about 6-7 weeks only. But I am tired of not blogging to avoid talking about how I am doing, which is tired, moody and nauseated most of the time. So I am blogging about it. I figured I blogged intimate details of my cancer treatment, I may as well blog the pregnancy from the get go.

I have known for about three weeks or so. Which is odd, I didn't figure it out with Jackson til about 7 1/2 weeks. This time I knew almost immediately. Experience or earlier symptoms? I dunno. Either way, I was certain before any home test would read positive. And I am happy that this baby got to be on stage in Hay Fever. I was doing a children's play, Hank the Cowdog ,when I found out with Jackson so it is fitting that this time around I was also in a show at the time. Stage beginnings for each is a good thing.

So I am well, but as I said, tired, moody an nauseated. With an impressive bosom. That alone should clue in those close to me. I did not go out and get a wonderbra, my friends. It is all natural. I have decided that these endowments are a gift to the newly expecting mother from the gods of "holy-shit-you're-preggers-better-keep-that-man-of-yours!" Not that my spouse was going anywhere, but these do help offset the crazy-lady mood swings he has been putting up with for a few weeks.

I have also been thinking about this all-day sickness that plague the first three months. I was thinking it was a flawed design. How were early human women supposed to forage and cook and care for other children when they were sick all the time without modern conveniences? But I have decided the tiredness and nausea must be natures way of making you take it easy during a delicate time. The first three months give you a physical indication of pregnancy for you to feel and for your family to witness so you take it easy and those around you facilitate that. Then at about the time you may start visually showing, it eases off. Everyone can see you are pregnant and could use some special care.

Not sure that makes me feel any better when I am losing my lunch, but it is a good thought.

So a month before my 2-year cancerversary I find that I can, in fact,conceive. My innards are not fried and seem to be working ok. Now send good thoughts my way that I carry this to term and have a healthy baby in February.

Brownies

We had dinner at David's parents house tonight for Father's day. Good food and good company as usual. Jackson makes me laugh so much, though. After dinner he asked about dessert and we told him when everyone was done eating we had brownies for dessert. He paused for a second and said "It's really nice of you guys to give me a brownie, but I rather don't want one." He wanted a Popsicle instead. I had to laugh at how politely he declined a brownie, knowing full well that after his Popsicle he would ask for one. He did.

Fountains are for running through

I just spent an enjoyable evening at The Domain with Elaine, Sabrina and a couple of Elaine's friends. And Jackson. He heard I was meeting Aunt Elaine and he really wanted to come too. And the ladies were fine with it, so Jackson joined us on our girls evening.


We met at California Pizza kitchen, and had a good dinner and then we headed to the gelato place a few doors down. Jackson particularly enjoyed the dark chocolate fudge gelato and didn't even make a huge mess. Afterwards we stopped at the water fountain they have there and let him get all wet playing in it with a few other kids. I was just going to let him get his feet wet, but Elaine and the ladies encouraged him to run right in and get all wet. I had his backpack with me with a change of clothes so what-the-hell. You only get to be a little kid once. He had a really good time and I was really proud of how well-behaved he was all evening. He is a good boy most of the time. A handful, but a good boy, I think.



On many Saturdays in the parking lot of the Fry's in North Austin they have a race track set up for remote control cars. These are not your kid's little remote control cars, these things are gas-powered monster cars that are loud, fast and you can smell the burnt rubber. There is a Hobby Town in that shopping center and this is an event the hold there periodically in good weather. A few weeks ago we had to return something to Fry's and got there in time to see some of the races. Jackson was in heaven. He sat there for an hour with his Dad watching the cars racing, mesmerized. I can't imagine a more fun afternoon for him.


And here is an especially cute picture of Jackson and his Omi a couple of weeks ago.

ahh...

I am sitting on my couch listening to the quiet hum of my new washer. As I reported a month or more ago, my washer and dryer were dying. I don't know if I ever reported that I got new ones. I got a nice front-loader and both the washer and dryer have the steam functions that I have been coveting for a few years. Not sure if they are going to make a big difference in my life, the steam function, that is, but I do think my clothes are a little cleaner. They smell a little nicer anyway. And the washer is so quiet. I have to send Jackson in to the pantry to tell me if it is done yet. Or I have to listen for the song. Cause the new machines sing to me when they are finished. Really. They are made by LG, the same people who make lots of cell phones. My washer plays a ring-tone when it is done. The first time it sang to us, Jackson burst into spontaneous applause. It was precious.

So I am listening for the washer to sing to me so I can go in and deal with the clothes. And then I am going to throw the kid in the tub and listen to him splash and play for a while. I plan to get him in bed by 8 since he didn't nap today and he needs his sleep. And because a new episode of The Closer is coming on at 8:00.

Hay Fever closed yesterday. I am sad to not be hanging out with such a great group of people all the time. I felt so lucky to be in a show with such a fine set of actors. Everyone was so skilled and solid. I really felt like I was a part of a kick-ass team, led by Ms. Bernadette Nason.

But I will say I am not sorry to be at home on the couch and not having to drive into Austin 4 days a week. David is off at rehearsal now and he is the one that has to take off a mere 45 minutes after he gets home from work. And I am the one in charge of the boy in the evenings. So now I hope to become a semi-regular blogger again.

...heh, pardon me, my washer is singing to me...

What is happening right now...

Jackson: Mom, I smell spiders.
Me: Really? What do they smell like?
Jackson: ...spiders.


I am sitting on my couch waiting for the stove timer to beep, telling me my macaroni is ready to be drained in anticipation of the packet of powdered orange goodness that will transform it into macaroni and cheese. I am such a gourmet. It isn't even Kraft, it's generic. What does that say about me? I am not sure I want to know.

So indeed the Chronicle did pan my show, calling us too loud, too fast and too broad for a Noel Coward British comedy of manners. Of course any of you who have ever done any live theatre, especially of the unpaid variety, know the mantra of comedic shows. Say it with me, please! "Louder, faster, funnier!" We were just doing what we have learned the audiences like. And our audiences are enjoying the show. And this particular critic has a reputation for being a self-important ass-hat. We have been receiving condolences from other local theatre artists who have been 'Pineo'd' as we are now calling it. So whatever. As my friend Andy said, all publicity is good publicity.

Last night the show was sold out. And we had a pretty darn good show. A few little ups and downs. But all in all, it went well. The problem we are having is with the air conditioning system of the City Theatre. It is loud. Very loud. And situated directly over the stage. The initial plan was to run the AC before the show and during the intermissions, but to leave it off during the performance. But it isn't working out. It is simply getting too hot. With a full house of 75 in close proximity to each other, the stage and the hot stage lights, we simply can't leave it off. They are miserable and so are we. So the stage manager has been experimenting with timing to turn it off and on based on which scene is happening. But the only outcome is that for half the show the audience has to strain to hear us and the other half they are fretting about the heat. And it is very distracting onstage for us to hear the very loud AC turn off and on. So after the show last night we talked about it as a cast and decided to cave to the Texas heat and turn the damn thing on and leave it on. It is hard to hear in the back two rows, so we have to really work to be louder so those people can hear. But the stifling, distracting environment is no better. So with more of my effort having to go to being heard, my character might lose a little life and luster. Especially since she is shy and uncomfortable a lot. It is hard to act 'quiet' when you have to shout your lines. Sigh. But there isn't any choice.

Moral is, if you are coming to the show, don't sit in the back. And get there early cause parking is somewhat limited anyway.

David has started rehearsals for Big River and has taken Jackson with him to a couple of dance and vocal rehearsals. Jackson makes me smile because he really wants to participate in the whole thing. If they are learning dance, he wants to stand up with them and try to do what they are doing. And he gets frustrated that he can't do it. He says "They all do it better than me!" He's not quite four! He expects that he can do the dance that the teen boys are learning. He is unforgiving of himself. And during the vocal rehearsal he sits with them and holds a libretto book just like they do. Because I have been playing the soundtrack in my car for months he knows these songs and actually sang the correct words at the correct time just like the chorus.

This morning we were heading to a rehearsal and he asked if he could be in the show. David told him he was still a bit too young, but that he could be in lots of shows when he gets older. About ten minutes later we pulled up to the dance studio and Jackson sadly started to cry. We asked him what was wrong and he said, "My Daddy said I can't be in the show..." Poor boy, it was very sad. We told him that he could join the dancers if he stayed out of the way and that today he could be 'in the show.' I guess that was a lie. He can't be in the show. But he can be in the rehearsals as long as they are learning things and he doesn't disrupt anything. And in a couple of years he can do the summer camps at the Palace and be in those shows. And someday maybe a mainstage.

So my husband has a broken pinky toe. He accidentally kicked a roller blade that was hidden under a garbage bag in the garage about a week ago. His poor toe swelled and bruised up and has been giving him grief enough that he went to the clinic yesterday and had it X-rayed. And it is broke. Not much they can do about it, though. He has to tape it up to the toe next to it for a month. And take Advil. And seek sympathy from his wife.

Why no blog?

Why don't I want to blog? WTF?

My show opened on Friday last week to appreciative audiences and kudos. I have been very, very busy prior to that and have been busy since trying to catch up on sleep, TV, yard work and laundry. But not blogging. I don't really feel like blogging. It just seems that when there is so much going on to write about, it becomes overwhelming and I don't write about anything.

So, yes, my show opened and it is a good one. I am having a good time with this cast and the audiences are laughing at my bits and seem to be enjoying the show.

Come see it if you are nearby. Here is the link to the site to make reservations. There are two more weekends.

And here is a link to a review on Austinlivetheatre.com. They liked us too. The Chronicle review will be out soon, and who knows how that one will be. The reviewer that came out is reported to be a not-so-kind one and he may or may not pan us for any reason. But whatever. The show is good, I think. Solid cast and we look and sound great.

Here is a pic of me back stage that my cast-mate Martina took on Sunday. You can kinda see how I cut my hair for the show into a more 1920's style bob. I actually like it a lot.


And now it is my turn to stay home with Jackson while David does a show. He is directing Big River and starts rehearsals with that this week. So I am hoping the forced house-boundedness will prompt me to find my inner blogger once more and stop being so anti-social - at least in the online community.

Rehearsal and Jackson Boy

Oh, I have to share this awesome picture that Elaine created for her photo shop class. I love it and her teachers thought it was good enough to be included in their end-of-semester show that they do. She titled it 'Wild Man' cause that is what is on the shirt he is wearing. This photo piece truly captures the essence (and the sticky-out tongue) of my little boy. And that is one reason I haven't blogged in so long. Elaine borrowed my laptop for a few days to do this picture since her new laptop has not arrived yet. But mostly I have just been so busy rehearsing for Hay Fever and running around on the weekends that I have had no interest in sitting down to blog, or even surf the web much when I am actually at home. I apologize for the blog silence(Dad). I promise to do much better when this show opens.

I just got home from rehearsal a few minutes ago. It is 10:30 and we got there at 6:30. And I do want to head to bed soon so this will be a short blog, just to say that I am alive and all is well. Tonight's rehearsal was good, one of the best run-throughs. We had a couple of people watching tonight and that makes such a difference. When the cast is just about ready to open a week and a half before we open it can lead to what I call Stale Cast Syndrome. None of the jokes are funny anymore, nothing seems spontaneous and there is little energy. But add an actual audience, even an audience of two, and viola, the actors remember why they are working so hard and remember to perform instead of phoning it in. Tonight had renewed energy and I can see that it will be a good show. We move into the theatre Monday and open on Friday, May 22nd. Come see the show if you live in Central Texas! Make your reservations here!

Jackson is doing well. He likes to talk. All the time. I can't believe sometimes how much he has to say and how continually he will say it. In the car, he talks non-stop from one place to the next. It is a constant stream of stories and questions and lots of comments about my driving. Today he was telling me not to crash into any cars in front of me or I might "destroy the city." He said that. I might destroy the city. He has also told me to be careful pulling into the garage because I might run into something and damage the house. Then he told me that damage means broke, just in case I didn't understand the word.

He has decided that he is going to be a race car driver and drive a purple race car when he grows up. He offers this information to anyone who will listen. And he likes to ask me what I am going to be when I am grow up. I tell him I am already grown up and that I work at the Palace. He announced to his Dad that he (David) is going to be a singer when he (David) grows up and that Mommy is going to be a worker and that he (Jackson) is going to be a race car driver. Lucky me. They get glamorous jobs and I get to be a worker. Typical.

It is bedtime now. Goodnight!

Trip report number one

Even though I had a stomach bug that kept me in bed more than I would have liked, I had a really good time in Salem and Boston with Andrea. The weather was gorgeous and there were so many flowers and trees in bloom. And I just love the whole atmosphere up north. I could really see myself living in Massachusetts. If only I wasn't so scared of the winters.

But it is so different there. In Salem, they don't have lights at the crosswalks to tell you when to go and when not to go. When you are walking along the sidewalk and you get to the crosswalk, the cars simply stop and let you go. And the drivers don't even seem at all annoyed at having to do so. They just stop. In Texas you'd get run over by a two-ton pick-up truck and the driver wouldn't even stop to render aid. And the courts would honor him for doing so.

Salem is beautiful and is full of museums and historical sites dedicated to their unsavory history of having hanged a bunch of innocent people for witchcraft on the word of some bored 11 year-olds. There are shops full of arcane paraphernalia and witches weeds (clothes, I discovered, of the robe and skirt variety). Psychic reading and tarot card shops line the streets. And there are cats everywhere. I ran into probably six cats in the 24 hours we were in Salem. A Black cat came right up to us when we were walking around near the House of Seven Gables. It makes sense though. Cats and witches, right? Seems that although the famously hanged witches were not actually witches, Salem has become somewhat of a haven for Wiccans. They have a population numbering in the thousands. Not sure it makes sense, to move to the town notorious for witch hunts, but there you have it. Salem really has witches now and hopefully they go out and taunt the graves of the bastards who killed the innocent ones.

We went on a Ghost tour, with a tour guide in costume, and walked around Salem at night, visiting a cemetery and several haunted houses. Our guide talked about the haunted history of different houses, most having to do with the witch trials. It was cheesy, but fun. And I won a shot glass. The guide gave a prize to the person to answered a question correctly first. The question was "How many people were burned as witches in Salem." The answer is zero since they were all hanged, except the one they 'pressed' or crushed to death. So I won a Salem shot glass. Yay me.


Above is a pic of our tour guide in front of the Clue house. Apparently the Parker Brothers are from Salem. And there was a grisly murder in this mansion that involved the victim being bludgeoned with a wrench and stabbed with a knife. And there was a major court case that argued whether is was the pipe wrench or the candlestick. Turns out the victims daughter was to marry a man her father didn't approve of. So her fiance hired a man to kill him so she would not be cut out of the will. The daughters name? Mrs. White. So the Parker Brothers made a game of the whole thing and we all still play it. It this true? I haven't googled it, but it sure sounded good on the ghost tour.

We stayed in a lovely B&B called the Morning Glory and our host, Bob, was as delightful a man as I have met. Very warm and welcoming. And our room was sweet and comfortable. We talked with him a little and he confessed playing up about the B&B being haunted because he gets a lot of people asking. He says people want to come to Salem and stay in a haunted house. So he says yes if they ask if it is haunted. And he put a creepy kid painting in each room. Cause old paintings of kids are creepy. They just are. He says every once in a while he goes in to clean after a guest leaves and finds the creepy kid picture has been taken down and placed facing the wall so the guest doesn't have to look at it. Funny. Here is the kid painting from our room.


Boston is a gorgeous flowering city that is so pedestrian-friendly. I could really get used to the mixed residential/commercial layouts and the subway. It is unreal to me that you could actually live somewhere like this and not have a car. And not miss it.

We stayed in a gorgeous row house B&B that was not too far from Boston Common and the start of the Freedom Trail. I loved walking the trail and visiting the historic sites and enjoying the weather. Here is Andrea and me on Boston Common just before we headed off to walk the Freedom Trail.


And here is the street our B&B was on in Boston. There was block after block that looked just like this. It was gorgeous. I would love to move there, but would surely be unable to afford this neighborhood. I got the distinct feeling we were in a very expensive area.

More Boston/Salem stories later when I have time. I promise!

I got the next Palace playbill for Little Shop of Horrors sent off to the printers today and will be spending the rest of the work week getting things ready for opening night next Friday. I will be out all next week so I have some things to get done in advance.

Monday morning early, early, early (6 am)I am flying to Boston with my best friend Andrea. We are going to stay at a B&B in Salem the first night then head into Boston to another B&B. I am getting excited about it and think we are going to have a really great time.

I am going to be sad to go on a trip without David though. I will miss him. I have been thinking about what will be different on a trip with Andrea' than a trip with David. I'll have to carry my own bags for one. But there will be more drinking, I'm sure. David doesn't drink much to speak of, but Andrea' and I have been known to throw back a few (too many). I will also have to be diligent about taking pictures. David usually takes them or prompts me to. So I will have to have the camera at the ready.

I am going to miss my boys. My Dad is coming to stay with David for a few days to take Jackson to and from school and help out. And David will probably take a couple of days off. They will get along just fine, but I will miss them.

And I have to figure out what to pack. Highs in the 60's and 70's. Is that long sleeve weather? Is my leather jacket enough for lows in the 40's & 50's? And then there is the whole shoe question. My feet killed me in D.C. in my boots that were not quite comfy enough. Plus they will probably be too warm. So do I go with sneakers and look dorky and save my feet or shoes that match what I am wearing and hurt? I know, I know. Sneakers and dork-hood. Andrea? What are you bringing to wear? I can't be dorky alone.

This past weekend my Dad came to visit and helped us solve the washer/dryer issue. He brought his truck and we bought new ones. He took the old sort-of-functional ones back with him and is finding homes for them with people who will be happy to have them. And we bought fancy new ones that light up like an airplane cockpit and play songs to you when the laundry is done. And these are not even close to the fanciest ones on the market. But I feel very indulgent when my washer sings me a song to tell me the cycle is done. Jackson thinks they are pretty. He says "these new ones are perfect." He likes that the washer is a front-loader with a window and he can watch the wash cycle. Hours of entertainment, I tell you. Ok. Minutes of entertainment.

Before my Dad left we found a tiny tree seedling growing in the yard under our oak tree. I can't remember seeing a new tree growing in the yard before. I guess conditions have to be right. So we decided to save it, dig it out, pot it and we have been watering it every day. It is Jackson's baby tree.

I know there are more things to talk about - rehearsals and work and such - but it is hard to blog after working all day and then rehearsing (which is going well). All I want to do now is read my book and veg. So that is what I am going to do.

You have got to be kidding...

Quote from a Kmart commercial I just saw on TV"

"I found these gorgeous Jacklyn Smith sheets that I adore. And the kicker? They're machine washable..."

Um, really? Machine washable sheets? Man, I gotta get me some of those. I've been schlepping mine to the dry cleaners for years. (I guess I should say I've had the maid schlep them to the cleaners for me.)And Jacklyn Smith? Is Jacklyn Smith so designer you wouldn't expect to be able to throw them in the washer? I guess I am out of the fashionable loop then. I had no idea.

And at Kmart? Does Kmart sell sheets that aren't machine washable? Does anybody buy them?

I was also just watching the TLC show "Say Yes to the Dress" which chronicles women choosing wedding gowns at Klienfelds Bridal in NYC, one of the biggest, most popular designer gown salons in the country. And I was watching this woman try on $3 to $6 thousand dollar dresses while wearing a BLACK bra underneath. Really. She is prepared to pay that much money for a gown, is appearing on national TV while trying on these gowns and couldn't be bothered to wear a white undergarment. So a $4k dress looked trailer park on her, as did the $3K dress. Don't most bridal shops have bras and girdles and all of that right there for you to try on with the dresses? They did when I bought my dress. Cause they really want to sell one to you. Cause they are as over-priced as the dresses. They want to sell you a $100 bra to go with it.

I'm so judgemental. I judge them for spending that much on a dress and I judge them for being trailer park while doing it...whatever.

Good news and bad news

So my mom broke into my house today to do my laundry while I was at work. What a woman. The bad news is that my dryer is broken. It tumbles. And tumbles and tumbles, but the heat is barely there and it takes 2 hours to dry a load of laundry. So my mom ended up taking some of my stuff home with her to do. I feel so lazy. My mom came, stole my laundry and will bring it back tomorrow clean. I have to call around and fine someone to come see if my dryer can be fixed. But at least I will have some clean underpants while I work on that. Thanks mom.

Everything happens for a reason.

I have been putting off the laundry. This is nothing new. I hate doing the laundry. There is nothing I like about it - wait, I like it when it is finished. That is all. Usually I let the clothing bins in my closet get full-to-bursting. Then when the small room starts to smell like dirty socks, I know it is time to do the laundry.

It is almost that time. Today I spent a full minute digging around in my unmentionables drawer looking for a clean pair of underpants. I knew there had to be one more in there somewhere, (please don't let me be out of underpants, I thought). And there at the bottom of the drawer, winking at me prettily, was the gorgeous peridot earring that I had lost months ago. I knew it was in my closet somewhere, I dropped it while standing there by the dresser in the closet and I could not find it anywhere. I have been over the floor with a flashlight on hands and knees, I have dug in all the drawers looking and always giving up saying "I'll find it at some point." Today was the day. So there. Everything really does happen for a reason. I put off the laundry, letting my top drawer get dangerously low on unmentionables and voila, I found my precious earring.

BTW, my mom is coming over on Friday to play with Jackson while I am at work. If I can only find enough underpants to get me through the week, I bet she will do a couple of loads for me while I am out. Mom loves laundry and she always looks for a load to do while she is here. Is is wrong to hold out, knowing she is coming over?

Yes, I am sure it is. But I am going to do it anyway. Thanks Mom.

I have been going through a blogger depression lately. I just haven't felt like writing. I have been sick for a week, lost my voice, cursed my sinuses and am now feeling human again. And I have had so many doctors appointments in the last month, I am tired of it all. I just haven't wanted to write anymore about blood draws and new meds and all the other stuff involved in trying to get my health and my life back in line post cancer. And the bills and their errors that I spend time on the phone sorting out. I guess I didn't want to get on here and complain. I heard it said once that bloggers complain a lot. And I don't want to be like that.

So here are a few Jackson gems. A few days ago Jackson broke a glass tea candle holder. I have no idea how, I was in the kitchen and he came in from the living room holding the broken glass and shards. "I broke this, mama," he said. So I quickly had him throw the glass away and rinsed his hands to get the small bits off. But I must have missed the fact that he was cut a tiny bit, because he came back in a few minutes later with blood smeared on his hands. "Mama, what is all this red stuff," he asked. It occurred to me he has rarely bled in his 3 1/2 years. Is this a testament to my mothering skills that my son doesn't know what blood is and isn't addicted to band aids?

Jackson has also taken to telling me funny jokes. He says they are funny jokes not me. Here is an example:

Jackson: Mama, I'm gonna tell you a funny joke.
Me: Ok, go ahead.
Jackson: What do you pick off trees and put in a basket?
Me: What?
Jackson: Fruit hahahahahahaha

He doesn't know you aren't supposed to laugh at your own joke. I am pretty sure he makes these up as he goes along. Usually they are about cars. "What drives on the road and crashes into a tree? Cars! Hahahahahaha! Comedians, I swear.

Rehearsals are going well for Hay Fever. I am busy 4 or 5 days a week after work. I get home, quickly fix something to eat, drive to austin by 6:30 and come home just before 10. (And did I mention my sinus infection and loss of voice for 3 days? So don't give me any crap about the laundry, ok?)

Speaking of me not speaking for a few days, I have to say that my husband is so sweet. Instead of being happy not to have to hear my voice as would be the expected husbandly response, he kept telling me how much it sucked not to have anyone to talk to and that the house was all "quiet and sad" and that he hated me not being able to talk. Such a sweetheart. And he even forgives the laundry monster threatening to take over our closet. (Can you see I am unable to stop thinking about the laundry that I really, really don't want to do, but desperately need to?)

Pump It Up and Fortified Fort

Another busy weekend has gone by and we at the Sray house are worn out. Friday night was date night. We went to see Grease at the Palace again and had a good time, but stayed up too late.

Saturday we got up and went to a 10 am birthday party at Pump It Up, the mother of all jumpy-thing places. Wow this place was big. Nearly two story inflatable slides and inflatable obstacle courses that were too difficult for Jackson and taxing for mommy. He is too little, I am just out of shape.

I did go down the big slide with Jackson though. And David went down a bunch. And fun was had by all.


Of course now I am worried that now that Jackson has attended one of these kick-ass birthday parties he will no longer be satisfied by our annual cake-and-grandparents parties. Is he going to think we are lame if we don't rent the Jump Zone or something like that? I wanted to hold off on that kind of party till he was at least 8 or 9. Hopefully I still can.

On Saturday evening I spoke as the Chemo Queen at the Round Rock Relay for life during the survivors dinner. I stopped by Ramona's costume shop on the way home from the B-day party and picked up the red gown I love to wear when I speak and dug out the sash and tiara. I was nervous of course, I always am. I always doubt that people will be interested in what I have to say. I know I have an interesting story, but in a room full of survivors, we all have an interesting story and who am I to get up and single myself out? But I go up anyway in my silly get-up and talk and afterwards the outpouring of support I get from these people who know a little about what I have been through is awesome. Hugs and handshakes and just so much friendship; it is incredible. And later, out on the field, I took pictures with anyone who wanted to tell their friends about the chemo queen. This is a cell phone pic that Andrea took at the dinner.

As usual, David was an incredibly good sport, wrangling Jackson during my speech and walking with him around the track with all the people when Jackson wanted to. Taking him to the bathroom and simply being cool and supportive.

We only stayed till about 10:00. Relay is an all night event with people walking the track all night, but with a small child and a ball gown, I just can't hang all night. Maybe next year I can plan on it. Take a tent out there like other people do. Could be fun to have a real team and really relay.

Today I had rehearsal in the afternoon and David's parents came over to help finish the play scape. When I came home they had the roof nearly complete and looking great. So Fort Jackson is complete and fortified - staked to the ground. We had a good dinner and now I am blogging and listening to my not-quite-sleeping some sing and chatter in his bed. Every few minutes he yells really loudly, "Mommy, I love you! Do you love me?" And then I have to yell back, "Yes, I love you too. Go to sleep please!"

After such a busy weekend (or week-end as they say in the British play I am doing) I am ready for a hot bath, a glass of wine and my bed.

April Fools Brilliance

Noah died in December. I wrote a little about him then; an Australian teenager with a brilliant and sardonic wit trapped in a slowly rotting cancerous body. I interacted with him briefly on Planet Cancer - the myspace/facebook for young people with cancer. His death really saddened so many of us. We mourned our loss of him while at the same time recognizing that he wasn't stuck in that painful existence any more.

He got us today though. I logged on to Planet Cancer and in the blog rolls it showed his instantly recognizable icon (black scribbled lines instead of a picture)with a brand new blog titled "I'm Alive, I'm Alive!"

Impossible, I thought. WTF? So I clicked to open the blog and there is was. A new blog from Noah. Written in November and post dated for April 1st to be a brilliant joke on the rest of us. He said:

"April Fools'! Oh come on, why else would they let us date blogs in the future?"

He thanked everyone on Planet Cancer for being around for him and sharing the sucky experience that is cancer. And then he finished by saying:

"Don’t be sad. I’m glad it’s over. Peace."

I hope he is at peace.

And I am wondering if we will get a Christmas card in December.

The Health Museum and Fort Jackson

I have been pretty busy lately and have been too tired and/or lazy to blog about it all. For instance, I visited my sister and her boys a few weeks ago and never blogged about the cool museum we went to. So after unloading some pics from my camera I decided to post several to just show what we have been up to.

We visited Jenni on a rainy, rainy weekend early March and had planned to go to the newly renovated and reopened Houston Children's Museum. But when we got to the museum district we saw that the line to get into the Children's Museum was around the stinking block from the entrance. They had just reopened and were having a no-entrance-fee Saturday so the entire city was there. We decided to visit another museum in the area, the Natural History Museum, but found that other people must have decided the same thing because the lines there were also huge and intimidating. Instead we decided to hike through the rain and puddles over to the Health Museum. No one wants to visit the health museum, right? Right. It was not busy. But it was cool. Check out the huge game of Operation! How cool is that?


And they had a body you could tour. Like you walk into the guy's mouth and then through the stomach, etc. Jackson had fun in there, he liked sitting on the molars. He enjoyed it until we got into the brain section and there were all these electric currents and a huge eye sitting there looking at him. That kind of freaked him out. More than kind of. We retreated into a side room to get away from the eye, only to find a wall of life-sized fetuses. Sounds sick, but it was a cool look at the development of a baby from fertilized egg to term. But imagine leaving the brain/eye trippy room and entering the hall of fetuses and you can imagine why we quickly retreated to the huge Operation game. That was truly cool.


This weekend my Dad came to town and we spent many, many hours building a swingset/playscape in my backyard. We didn't realize when we bought it how many hundreds of pieces of wood and thousands of screws and bolts and pieces it was in. Man. The directions said it would take two people 8-10 hours to put together. I am pretty sure we overshot that. Half of Saturday and most of Sunday and we are still not quite done with the roof. And we need to dig out from under one of the legs so it doesn't tilt quite so much. But it is swingable and slideable at least and Jackson loves it. When we quit for the night on Sunday he kept begging us not to put his swingset away. Heh. As if we could. Here is the almost finished product. We are calling it Fort Jackson. It will be nicer once it gets a roof. But we ran out of sunshine, energy and weekend.



Before we started on the fort, we stopped by our local bank to deposit a check and they were having a freebie day. All kinds of crap with Compass written all over it, free pizza, radio station remote - all that stuff. But the cool thing was the clown lady painting faces. Jackson has always refused to have his face painted before, but this time she suggested she make him look like a kitty and he agreed that he'd like to be a purple kitty. I got a picture quickly cause I knew it wouldn't last. And as I expected, he hated the stuff on his face and we had to immediately go to the bathroom to wash it off. He kept saying he didn't want to be a kitty forever. "I want to be a boy, not a kitty!" Funny child.


I went back to the pulmonologist today to get the results from my tests from last week and there was good and not so good news. My heart looks good, he said. Functioning fine even though it beats a little off now and then. But my lung function tests showed that I am not moving air in and out of my lungs as well as I should be. He called it Hyperactive airway disease. Which googling shows is the description of a group of disorders, including asthma. He didn't say I have asthma though this is probably asthma-like. He prescribed singulair and advair and I have to stay on my allegra. We will do all these meds at first to see if we can get it under control, then cut back on them to see if I can get by on less. I hope that is the case, cause I would rather not be on all kinds of drugs forever. Though if they help me breath, I guess I will do it.

I got home to a bill from the radiologist for $500 more than my insurance company said they could bill me. So here we go again. Procedures, followed by hours spent on hold trying to get the billing errors taken care of. Sigh. I know, at least I have insurance.

On a fun note, I booked a Bed and Breakfast in Boston for me and Andrea'. Have I mentioned that Andrea' and I are going to Boston at the end of April? Well we are! Four days of checking out Boston and Salem, Mass. I will miss Jackson and David, but I sure am looking forward to getting away with my best friend. I know we will have a good time. And get this, the B&B is called Encore and it is a modernly decorated row house in the historic South End with decor and rooms named for playwrights. We are in the Sondheim Room. I can't wait!

I start rehearsals for Hay Fever on Wednesday. I am excited and ready to get back out there and into a show.

Tests

I had my echocardiogram and my pulmonary function tests today. I was only scheduled to do the echo today and I was supposed to do the pulmonology test tomorrow but when I got there they decided they could do both today so I don't have to go back. That was nice.

The echo was easy, I just had to lay there and let them do an ultrasound on my heart. Luckily I got a lady tech. I was sure I would have to lay there bare chested while some twenty-something cool guy did the procedure. But I was spared that indignity. The chick did put one of the ekg sticker thingies right on the scar from my port. And taking that off did not feel good. But it was smooth all in all.

The pulmonary test was not so easy. You have to sit in this glass box contraption and breath into a machine in different rhythms - blow out hard and fast, now slow and hold it, pant, do it again closed up in the box, etc. Then they gave me a nebulizer treatment of albuterol and did the tests again. Albuterol makes me shaky, jumpy and wired. And it took a few hours to feel somewhat normal again. And doing that much heavy breathing is tiring. I am really glad that is done. I will meet with the pulmonologist on Monday to get the results of the tests.

Jackson played at Kid Space for an hour this afternoon and when I asked him who he played with we had the following conversation:

Jackson: I played with Maddy who is black all over. Some people are black all
over and some people aren't.
Me:Uh huh, that's right, but we are all the same on the inside.
Jackson: Inside where your feelings are?
Me: Yup.

Then he changed the subject. This was our first conversation about race and I wasn't sure what else if anything to say at this point. I am really glad that Kid Space always has a mix of kids there giving him the opportunity to play with kids of all different colors and backgrounds. So I don't know if I should be saying or doing anything else at this point, but I guess that is a good beginning. He of course notices that people look different, but doesn't seem to care. Awesome.

Jackson is nicer than me.

Yesterday as I was driving an asshole cut me off on the highway. Instinct kicked in and I yelled at the other driver, as if he could hear me, "You suck, mister!" Jackson was intrigued.

HIM: Who sucks mama?
ME: That guy in the white car who just cut me off. He sucks.
HIM: He doesn't suck, mama. He just wanted to pass you. That's all.

My son is more moral and/or pragmatic than I am.


I have appointments next week for the echo of my heart and the lung function testing. Though I am sure it will be tedious, I am glad to get them done. Hopefully they can rule out everything serious and figure out a treatment plan to get me breathing better.

And that can't be soon enough because I have been feeling like a lump on the couch lately. Have put on a couple of pounds and can feel my body crying out for some exercise. Seriously, I feel like doing some crunches and exercising my arms and legs. Only I get so worked up without much exertion, heart pounding and breathing heavy, that I feel I need to wait to get doc permission to exercise. So maybe after next week and can make an effort to, well, make an effort and get my ass off the couch.

Is it the heart or the lungs? Or both?

The pulmonologist I met with today was really nice and very thorough. He had my recent scans, looked up my old scans and x-rays from July 07 when I was a raging cancer incubator, and had an overview of my story before he ever came in the room. And he had a pleasant bedside manner to boot. He listened to my complaints and asked questions and did an exam on me that seemed pretty thorough.

We learned a few things in the appointment. One is that there is residual damage in my right lung. Nothing catastrophic pictorially. Some narrowed airways and scarring, but nothing crazy. The other thing is that my heart isn't beating normally. It skips and dances a little bit. He said it was musical. I am not terribly surprised by that since I have lots of palpitations that go along with my shortness of breath. This could be a combination lung/heart problem. We have to do some test to figure that out.

He ordered an echo cardiogram which will check for heart damage and look at my valves and such. Also a pulmonary function test before and after albuterol treatment to check my lung function. The hospital will call me tomorrow probably to schedule these tests and I go back to this doc in two weeks to follow up and get a treatment plan.

So here we go.

At least I am helping to prop up the health care economy. I am expecting a $600 bill for my Feb PET scan and though I am not sure, an echo cardiogram doesn't sound cheap. Does it? Oh well. It must be done. I am grateful for the insurance.

Mom went to the appointment with me and afterwards we took Jackson to the park. It was such a beautiful day and he had a really good time throwing rocks in the river.

He has been spending a ton of time in my bed at night. He comes in at some point and doesn't want to leave. Then I get him to go back to his bed only to have him come back half and hour later. It makes it difficult to sleep, especially when I have such a hard time sleeping anyway. My breathing is worse when I am laying down. So last night at bedtime we had a discussion about how I need him to stay in his bed till morning. He said, "But mommy, your bed is cozy." Which made me laugh and want to invite him in my cozy bed whenever he want to come. But we need our sleep, all of us. I will be content if I can get him down to an occasional visit and get him to go back to his bed when I ask him to. I don't want him to think he can't come in if he has a bad dream or needs me for some reason.

Last night when he went to bed he said, "Mommy, I promise to stay in my bed all night." And he did. He didn't come in at all. He knows it is time to get up when his daddy gets up and gets in the shower to get ready for work. But David didn't go to work today, he worked from home. So around 7:00 this morning I heard the door of my bedroom open and then close after a few seconds. Jackson had come to see if his daddy was up and when he saw that he wasn't, he went back to his bed. He was checking to see if he could get up yet. I got up and asked him if he wanted to come get in bed with me since it was morning now. So he did get to cuddle in my bed for a little while but he didn't spend half the night there keeping us awake. He says he will do the same tonight. I hope it is this easy. Just a discussion and his behavior changes. Nice. Knock on wood.

The pope sucks.

Dear The pope,

Jesus would say, 'Use a condom, man. It may just save your life." Fuck you. (I said that last part, not Jesus.)

Read this BS.

A new show, a visit and a stew

I have been pretty busy lately. I auditioned for a show on Tuesday, Hay Fever with North by Northwest Theatre Company in Austin, and I got cast along with some wildly talented local actors. I am so excited to be doing a show with such an awesome group of people. We start rehearsals April 1st and I am really looking forward to getting back out there.

I finished the Grease playbill and got it sent off to the printer yesterday. It was a big undertaking, but we got the pages laid out with headshots of all the actors included. This will make our patrons happy, they can put a face to the names and the word is they are excited about that. It is also a little extra recognition for our actors who work so hard for a couple of comps and some stage time. The only downside is that I had to cut the bios shorter than usual. So if you are in Grease and are reading this, sorry I cut the crap out of your bio, but with 27 of you to fit into four pages I didn't have much of a choice. I tried to keep all of your basic sentiments, though. If you thanked your mother, it is in there. But if you once played a rock in the elementary school play, it probably isn't.

I am currently packing a bag for me and Jackson. He and I are driving to my sister's house when David gets home from work. We are going to spend the weekend there. Jen and I will probably veg and hang out and her boys and mine will probably make a lot of noise and destroy her house. And since it is wet, there will probably be some mud tracking to do. I am looking forward to it, since I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving, I think. And the boys sure love to play together. They are all excited and I suspect none of them will sleep tonight.

My posts about my breathing issues have gotten some of you really worried and I apologize about that. I didn't mean to make you think I am about to pass out from lack of air or keel over or anything. My lungs are just irritated and I am coughing all the time. The shortness of breath is a little better the last few days, but the wheezing and coughing kinda sucks. But I have my appointment with the lung doctor next week and we will see if they can help me out a little. No worries. I am fine. Better than last week for sure.

Last night I went to a play at the Hyde Park Theatre. They were kind enough to donate tickets to Planet Cancer and I went with a group of young cancer survivors. Andrea went as my date and we had a really good time. The play was Bombs In Your Mouth, the kind of contemporary play that drops a lot of F bombs and doesn't care what you think if they do. I find it refreshing sometimes to attend such plays. I have almost always worked in theatres that have a patron-base over the age of 60. And exist in Williamson County. We have to carefully guard our subject matter and language so as not to drive off the people in this area. Many Austin theatre companies don't have to do that. They can perform whatever piece they want, using whatever language they please and have people 18 to 40 years old make up the bulk of their audience and eff you if you don't like it. I enjoy that from time to time.

Of course, they probably don't have a renovation debt of half a million dollars and a $700k yearly operating budget and 300 seats to fill to keep the doors open. So our considerations are not theirs. We do a different kind of theatre. Georgetown is not Austin.

I'm getting hungry. I have a beef stew in the crock pot that has been cooking all day. It smells really good. It smelled good at noon before Jackson and I went to work. When I was getting him dressed he asked me, "Mom, what is that smell in the kitchen." I said it was dinner. "Does it smell good," I asked. "MmmHmmm..." he said. Hopefully it tastes as good as it smells. I hear David coming home a bit early from work so we will soon be able to taste it.