Monday, August 30, 2010

Prednisone & A Showered Baby

I started the prednisone today since my breathing hasn't been much better.  And the good news is that it definitely helps my breathing.  The bad news is that the side effects are no fun.  Shakiness, the jitters, muddy thinking, tripping over my words...feels like I am on drugs.  Cause I am.  I have to take it in the morning so the worst of the effects wear off before bedtime.  And they have.  Leaving me ready to sleep, for sure.  And hopefully I will be able to breath better tonight leading to better sleep.  I only take it for 5 days.  I just hope that when I am done with it my cough doesn't just come back and leave my breathing the same as before.  We'll just have to see.  I just can't imagine trying to labor with a spasmadic cough and crappy breathing.  Blah.

The ladies at the Palace threw a baby shower for me on Saturday and I now have just about everything this baby needs and more.  I was almost embarrased by the amount of love and presents that were showered on us.  Several ladies even brought a few presents for Jackson.  We are lucky people.  Some people in the world are dealing with devastation, famine and flooding.  We are surrounded by people who love us and even if my health is not exactly perfect, we are in good hands and in good shape to bring another baby into our lives.

So bring it on.  I'll even take the prednisone if it will help.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Kindergarten has begun

Jackson is now a Kindergartner.  He has a backpack and sorta knows where his classroom is and seems to be doing pretty well.  Except he really seriously doesn't care for the whole getting out of bed and immediately getting dressed and ready and leaving the house.  He was in tears this morning, not because he doesn't like school, but because he is used to getting up, spending and hour or so leisurely curled up in a blanket watching his cartoons, having breakfast, maybe a bath then heading to pre-school.  He kept saying this morning, "It's not time to brush teeth, it isn't tiiiiiimmmmmeee!"  And I totally agree.  I would rather school started at 8:30 or 9 instead of 7:45.  But it doesn't so he has to get up, get ready and get out the door.  Morning cartoons are now a weekend thing.

His teacher just called to say that he was doing well and that he got two orange stars today.  According to the handout on the rules we got, that means he set a good example for others.  We asked him what he did to earn the stars and he doesn't remember.  But at least we know he is doing ok.

He did have a pretty decent breakdown this evening.  I think he is starting to understand that he isn't going to be spending nearly as much time with me anymore.  Not going to the Palace, not spending half the day at home with me several days a week.  He curled up on my (non-existent) lap and started to cry.  He said he wanted to live with me forever and he didn't want to move out when he is a grown-up.  We have talked in the past about how when you are a grown-up, you go and live in your own house with your own family.  Well, he decided tonight he wasn't ever moving out and that if he did, I would have to come with him.  He needed all kind of reassurance that I would still hold him and give him love forever.  I totally lied and told him he could live with me forever.  He can't.  He has to move out when he is a grown up, but by then he will want to.  I hope...

A blurry wave goodbye
I tried really hard not to tell him that I would be here with him forever.  Cause you just can't promise that.  But it is really hard not to lie and say it when your child is crying in your arms.  Shit, besides just being human and sorta likely to keel over at some point, I am a cancer survivor and about to have a baby.  I can't promise to be here next week, let alone 30 years or more.  I told him that as long as I had the power to do so, I would be with him and hold him and love him.  I guess I have seen too many Hallmark movies where a parent dies and a little kid reacts with anger saying "Daddy said he'd never leave me. He lied to me!"  Probably doesn't make a difference, he heard what he wanted to hear, I am sure and not what I actually said.  But I tried. 

I went to the pulmonologist today to see about this cough that I have had for about a month.  I am about 35 weeks pregnant now and I really don't need to be hacking and coughing while I am trying to deliver a baby.  I need air to labor, I think.  I wish I could get a chest x-ray or scan of some kind.  But this doc isn't comfortable doing anything while I am pregnant.  I've been on amoxicillin since Saturday because Jackson had strep throat and I was having symptoms.  The doc was going to suggest just that, but since I've been on it for five days and it hasn't done anything, he is putting me on Augmentin, a stronger antibiotic.

He also wants me to take prednisone for five days. This makes me very uneasy.  Prednisone is a steroid and was one of the drugs I was on during chemo.  I have bad memories of prednisone.  Ravenous hunger, extreme moodiness, weight gain, bloating, jitteriness, pounding heart-beat, etc.  This would be a much, much smaller dose and only for five days.  But the idea still scares me.  I filled the prescription, but I am not going to take it until I hear from my OB.  I called his office to ask his advice, but didn't get a call back today.  I need to know if this is going to cause gigantobaby that I can't birth.  Is it going to affect him somehow and make me gain ten more pounds? 

So I am going to start the augmentin tonight and hope that it helps my cough. 

Five more weeks.  I don't think I am going to make it five more weeks.  Though I thought the same with Jackson and he was 8 days late.  So maybe I can.  It just seems like an eternity.  Five weeks.  Man.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Kindergarten and baby countdown

Jackson starts kindergarten in a week and I am so nervous.  It is such a big change for the two of us.  He will be at school all day five days a week.  No more 3 half-days a week and the rest of the time with me.  I am starting to feel some separation anxiety here.  My baby will be out of my control most of the day, 5 days a week.  Breath, I can't breath...I think I need some Lamaze technique here...

Ok.  I know we will both survive.  I know so many kiddos who spend that much time and more in daycare from birth and they are just fine.  So a 5-year-old should be able to handle kindergarten.  Not sure his heavily pregnant hormonal mommy can handle it, but he should be fine, right?

Tomorrow evening is the elementary open house where we get to visit his classroom and meet his teacher.  We'll take his (huge amount of) school supplies there so they don't have to deal with them first day of school.  And I'll get his school lunch account set up with some money. 

I found out his school is one of six in Round Rock ISD giving all kids free breakfast in their classrooms every morning.  That is pretty awesome!  I have no idea how that is being funded and if it is eventually going into all the schools, but I am glad Jackson will get that benefit. 

I am getting rounder and feeling more ready to have this baby every day.  34 weeks now.  6 weeks to go.  It sounds like an eternity to me with this heat and the ankle/foot swelling.  I almost have the nursery ready.  I am washing my cloth diapers right now and getting them ready to use for a second kiddo.  I used cloth on Jackson for 10 or 11 months before they got too bulky to fit into his clothes and he got to physically combative during diapering to get them on him snugly.  But I enjoyed using cloth for most of that time and am actually looking forward to doing it again.  Just something about a clean, soft, cotton diaper.  And washing them is really not such a big deal.  When he gets bigger and graduates to the larger sizes I will probably invest in a different style of cloth diaper.  They have several less bulky styles that go on faster than the pre-fold style I have now.  I have several friends who used a different style and were able to use cloth all the way to potty training.  So I am giving it another go and feeling happy about it.

We have a change-filled few months ahead of us in the Sray household.  Jackson starts school and we are adding a family member.  Starting over with a baby after 5 years.  What were we thinking?  Kidding.  Sort of.

Jackson has been so excited about the baby since he learned about him.  I know he is going to be a great big brother and will love him very much.  But it isn't going to be easy.  I think it has started to sink into his mind about how much attention the baby will be getting and how needy the baby will be.  He has started to ask whether I'll love him (Jackson) the most and if he will still be my favorite boy.  I've tried to deflect by saying that he will be my favorite big boy and his brother will be my favorite baby boy.  But he isn't satisfied with that.  He wants me to tell him I'll love him more than the baby.  Tonight he was upset and crying a little at bedtime saying he didn't want me to help the baby more than him.  And he didn't want his Omi to bring the baby presents instead of him.  Poor guy is starting to get that though he really wants a baby in the house to play with, he doesn't want to actually share his mom with the baby.  I don't know how to reassure him.  Or even if it is possible.  He's right.  The baby will take a lot of attention and care.  Jackson will have to be patient when he needs something and I am nursing the baby.  He will have to share his mom and dad who he has had all too himself for five years.  It will take some time to adjust, and I hope Jackson can love and enjoy his baby brother eventually. 

Ooh, I hear the dryer singing to me.  The diapers are ready...