Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Port is No More!

The port is gone. I feel strangely empty. I can't feel the tube in my chest running up into the blood vessel in my neck. I didn't realize I could feel its presence so much, but now that it is gone, I am keenly aware of the nothingness. No hard protruding disk above my breast. Kinda cool.

I am a little bruised and swollen, but not hurting too badly yet. The procedure itself went smoothly. Got the IV in one stick. I had a few moments of concern when I was all draped and covered waiting for them to start and the doc came in and started poking around the port. I was terrified he was going to start without sedating me. The drapes were over my head so I couldn't see what was happening. And in fact, he did start shooting up the area with numbing meds before the happy drugs were administered. Which hurt way, way more than something designed to numb you should. Holy shit, I even made a noise, said "oww, oww, oww," which is something I rarely do. I try not to react to pain during procedures, it doesn't help, and I imagine it stresses out the practitioner. I don't want to distract them. But I whimpered some and quickly stopped myself, instead asking, "I am going to get the IV sedation right?" He replied, "Yeah, its on the way" as he proceeded to have at me with the scalpel. I was barely numb, could definitely tell he was cutting my skin. It was numb enough not too hurt too badly, but I was very glad when the happy drugs started flowing a few seconds later and I was able to doze a little while they did the deed.

It was over pretty quickly and I was happy to see that the doc excised the old scar as I asked. They weren't sure they could do it, but I thought as long as they were slicing me up, they may as well slice off the wide, ugly scar and let me start fresh. And since I am not starting chemo tomorrow as I did the day after it was implanted, I should heal much, much better and faster and cleaner. Health does have its advantages.

I have been helping my Mom set up a blogspot because she started blogging a bit on myspace. I read a few of her posts and I think she is much too good to be relegated to myspace. So I am proud to introduce you to my mom, the RN Blogger at Whatever You Do, Don't Take the Thumb. Check her out at your leasure.

My incision is starting to ache now, so I guess I will go take something.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Wish me luck!

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment to get my port removed. A small surgical procedure, I'll be there for 3 hours or so to recover, then I'll come home and probably sleep the rest of the day. And then no more implanted divice in my chest.

Here's to hoping I never need another one.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Good Life

Last night I attended the B. Iden Payne awards as Andrea's date. She was nominated as a director and set designer and her Children's show, Wiley and the Hairy Man, was nominated as well as several of her actors. (link goes to my blog post about Wiley with pics of her set) I was very proud to be sitting with her as she won the Outstanding Director award for a play for youth. Congratulations to Andrea' and to all the winners and nominees for the 2007 - 2008 Austin theatrical season. It was a nice event at the brand new Long Center downtown and a great excuse to get dressed up. Here I am with Jackson just before heading out to meet Andrea.

Saturday was my fifth wedding anniversary. David and Jackson woke me up with homemade pumpkin pancakes which I was supposed to eat in bed, but didn't. The boys came in with a tray and told me 'happy anniversary' and then took off back to the kitchen to make more pumpkin pancakes. So I took my tray to the kitchen and ate there with them. I told David that he and Jackson were supposed to pile onto the bed and sit with me. Who wants to eat breakfast in bed all alone? Though to be fair, Jackson did climb into the bed, steal a piece of my bacon and told me "Happy annibersery mama" before he took off to help cook. And they sure were good pancakes. David got the recipe from the 1950's diner cookbook Elaine gave us a while back. Awesome, awesome anniversary breakfast.

We didn't have any big plans for the evening because Jackson was invited to a kids Halloween party at the home of one of his classmates. And I have heard stories of this party from last year, before we put Jackson in pre-school. And since we have been invited to a few parties and have not been able to attend any of them, I felt like we needed to go. I didn't want Jackson blacklisted from the pre-school party list because we didn't make an effort to go. Plus I already sort of feel like outsider mom for starting mid-term last winter. The other moms all seem like friends and live near each other while I live in Round Rock. Not that I ache to join all the scrap booking talk in the cool mom circle at school, but it still sucks to be the odd man out sometimes. Which could totally be my perception and not the truth, but you see why with all these thoughts beating around in my head why we had to forgo any fancy anniversary date and instead attend the premier kids Halloween party in Georgetown TX. And this mom sure went all out. An enviable spread and really nice lady. She had two moon-jumpy things and various games all over the yard. Notice Jackson cajoling the girls to get in the moon walk with him. There was apple bobbing, a wack-a-mole tower, ring toss type games and all kinds of party favors. Jackson had a really good time playing with the kids and David and I, not really knowing anyone there, spent a good deal of time pushing various kiddos on the swings.

And it is a true testament to the man that my husband is that by the end of the evening kids were approaching him to ask if he would open a capri sun or push them on the swings. Adults all around and these kids instinctively know that this person is safe, this person will help them. And they are right. He pushed his own kid on the swings and any others who came over without complaint. Made me proud to be married to him for five years.

On Sunday we finished up our bookshelf project in the living room and I am really really happy with how it looks. I was skeptical with the plan, I admit. This was David's idea and I was on board only because he seemed so set on it. I wasn't sure three new shelves would fit in that corner. I wasn't sure it wouldn't overbalance the room in that direction. But it really looks good. Moving the furniture opened everything up and we are now using the whole room. Now we need to look into lighting for that corner cause the bookshelf is a little dark. And maybe a new rug or two. We have never been the best decorators, David and I. But I think we done good with this one.

I didn't take a real before picture cause I am a moron, but I dug one up from Aug last year at my birthday. You can see the corner behind the dork holding up the pink top. The love seat was a couple of feet in front of the window blocking off that part of the room and making it seem smaller in here.

What else is new? How bout a Jackson gem. This is a picture of him with the 'birthday cake' he made for me a few days ago. He stuck come 'candles' in his bowl of sand and was so excited about the cake he made for me.

After work today, Jackson and I went to HEB to stock the near-bare cupboards. And after buying a huge cartful of everything we needed and making a really satisfying dinner of Fresh tortilla soup, I felt very grateful that my little family is blessed with more than we need.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Interesting Things Afoot

I have an appointment for Wed next week to get my port surgically removed. I am excited and nervous. Don't really want to have another procedure done, but I will feel so much better not to have this implant floating there under my skin. I sure have been grateful to have it when I needed it. But the time has come. Next week, in fact.

Today I was invited to take part in a patient panel at Texas A&M Medical School on November 3rd. They want me to share my story and do q&a with first-year med students. Sounds like a pretty interesting deal. Here is what the email had to say about the purpose of it:

"The goal is to educate these future docs about the patient experience, under the guise of educating them about hematologic malignancies. The closeness in age between the panelists and the students creates this really unique empathy---the future doc thinks, "That could be me," which we believe will help them become better doctors."

So I am going to car pool with the other panelists/Planet Cancer folks and head to College Station for the day. Can anyone say "Cancer Road Trip!!!" Does anyone besides me think that is funny? Heh heh.

David and I put together a new bookshelf/wall unit we bought at Ikea and we moved the furniture around in the living room to accommodate it. I am really happy with how we opened up the room and are now using more of the space. Our big window isn't blocked anymore. I'll post a picture after we get the books, decoration on the shelves done. The plan is to move all of David's gorgeous antique German hard-bound books to the new shelves in the living room for better display, leaving the bookcases in the office for the modern fiction books and scripts and things we can't let go of. We may eventually buy the glass doors that go with the shelf from Ikea and really protect the antiques and collectibles. I have books in boxes all over the place and we have needed more shelving for some time. So this is a good change. And I am really surprised by how much I like the new set-up of the living room furniture.

One member of the family, however, is not quite so pleased. Jackson doesn't deal well with change. We knew he wouldn't be happy. David got to witness the first glimpse this morning. Jackson came running out into the living room and stopped. He took a good look around and said, "The house is wrong! The couch doesn't go there!" This afternoon he continued to complain that he didn't like it. I suspect he will get over it eventually.

And we need to find a new place for his tricycle, wagon and various other largish toys and implements of destruction. We had them hidden/parked in the cove between the love seat and the big window. Not the love seat is on the other side of the room and the recliner is in front of the window. No hidey-hole for the wagon and trike. And we both park in the garage and there isn't currently any room for them in there. Up next is going to have to be an overhaul of the guest room and garage to create parking spots for kid things. Or maybe a merciless trip to goodwill will clear come room. But where the hell does one park a wagon if not the garage? The answer is no longer in my living room.

BTW, I am now interested in new living room rug(s) since I am so happy with the make-over and want to complete it. If anyone has cheap rug store suggestions let me know. I don't want anything expensive since I have a three-year-old and a vomit-prone cat. Just something to change-up the room and replace the ragged rug currently here.

When I got home from work today there was a package at my front door addressed to Jackson Sray from Jackson saw it and asked what it was, if it was a present. I said, "I don't know, let's see." When I told him it had his name on it, he was so excited. "For me? For meeeeee?" He kept saying. We opened it to find an awesome portable DVD player equipped with a car kit and carrying case. I dug around in the box and found the sales slip with my Dad's name on it. My Dad is pretty awesome. He doesn't always show up to the birthday party with a present for the kid who will receive a ton of stuff that day and won't know the difference. But you can always count on a random thoughtful present of something cool and useful when ou least expect it. And especially something sure to be useful on the 2 1/2-hour drive to see Grandpa.

Here are a couple of great pictures from this weekend's cast party at Kyle's house courtesy of the awesome Tony Zavaleta.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

A confession

Today was the cast party for David's show that closed last Sunday. We made a pot roast in the slow cooker to take to the party. I prepped it and had it in the fridge and David set his alarm and got up at three a.m. to turn it on so it would be piping hot and ready for the afternoon party at Kyle & Dave's house. Pretty easy and we really like to take hearty food to such parties. I like to feed people and meat and potatoes or an awesome ham/corn chowder is usually quickly eaten up.

We had a good time. Jackson's playmate Alex was there and the two of them played really well and entertained each other and everyone else. It was a good day of talking kids and theatre in the hot tub. Not such a bad life.

I have been a little introspective lately, thinking about where to go in my life from here. Baby? Theatre? Feeling done with illness and such. My hair is growing out and looking ok. Money is getting a little tight and we are trying not to look at the 401k. Don't figure there is any point. It either disappears or it doesn't and to tell you the truth I have never felt any security in that and the promise of social security for retirement. I pretty much have always figured on it not being there. I didn't and don't think it can last and certainly not till I am in my late 60's and need it. I don't trust our lawmakers, who will never have to live on it, to guard it for those of us who will. And this current plundering of the taxpayer wallets so that the millionaires don't feel any pain doesn't make me any more confident. Of course my personal situation makes me care even less about retirement since I pretty much doubt that I will live to an old age. You know, that cancer thing and all. And I am almost sometimes ok with that. I want to live, of course, but I somehow feel like if I want it too badly, if I focus on it too much, I will jinx the possibility. So I don't count on it and try not to think about it.

Try, I say. I try not to think about it. Not so successful when you can't sleep in the wee hours of the morning. I have come to some interesting conclusions about my own mortality. Most interesting is my fear of losing people close to me. I have thankfully not experienced the untimely death of a loved one. And the thought of that is so unbelievably, painfully, breath-taking that I wonder if I could even go on. If I could survive it. The loss of a child, a spouse, a parent too, too young. I push these thoughts as far from me as I can in an attempt to pull a child's "I can't hear you, la la la la la!" I say to myself and anyone listening that I would rather have the cancer myself, I am happy to have it rather than my son or my husband. I will do it. I can handle it. But I sometimes wonder in the depths of my psyche if it isn't possible that I got cancer, that I have the specter of dying painfully young simply so I can avoid the immense terror of losing someone else. Do you see? I have to go first. I simply couldn't bear it any other way. Is this my bargain with the universe? Take me, not them.

Now how fucked up is that? I am sure I will hear all kinds of opinions. But this thought has been beating around in my brain for some time now and I guess I just had to get it out.

Thursday, October 16, 2008


I am really too tired to blog effectively tonight. But I figured I'd post a couple of quick Jacksonisms while they are fresh. First an early morning exchange:

5:30 am

Jackson: Mama, will you be my buddy?
Me: Huh? Oh, yes of course I'll be your buddy. Go back to sleep.
Jackson: Mama...what's a buddy?

Then after his bath when as usual he came running out into the living room to throw his naked self into my lap, he saw that I was looking at one of my crack websites ( and saw this picture.

He asked, "Mama, why does she have balloons stuck on her?" Why indeed son, why indeed?

Monday, October 13, 2008

Family Time is nice

Ah, Jackson. That three-year-old fountain of hilarious things to say in the wee hours of the morning. At about three this morning he was in my bed (of course)when he heard David's stomach growl, or gurgle, or something. I was mostly asleep at the time and don't normally pay attention to such things. But Jackson perked right up. "What was that?" He asked in a softly fearful voice. Noises in the night often scare him and this was no different. I was about to comfort him when he lay back down and comforted himself. He whispered, "No need to be scared of fart noises." I lay there quietly laughing for at least a minute or two before I fell back to sleep.

It has been a busy 24 hours. Yesterday was the closing of David's show. My Dad came to town to see it again and brought my brother, who had never seen David on stage. That is a big testament to how awesome this show was, my Dad drove 3 1/2 hours to see it a second time and made arrangements for both him and my brother to be away from the store at the same time.

He also called my sister and talked her into coming to town (from the Houston area) with her boys. She was waiting at my house after we got home from the show and we all went out to dinner. It isn't often that all three of us kids are in the same place at the same time. Dad took the opportunity to make Thanksgiving plans and everyone indicated it would be less driving all around to do it at my place. My sister and Dad live 6 hours apart and my place is in between. So we are having the whole clan here for Thanksgiving. Dad, Brother & Sister and their kids and mine - all the grandkids. Hopefully my Mom and Tonya and my Grandmother can come too.

We'd love to David's folks too, make it the whole fam damily, but I suspect they may want to stay in Harker Heights and have their own dinner. That is ok. I just wish I could be in two places at once. I don't want to miss anything. David really likes going shopping with his folks the day after Thanksgiving to the wee morning door-buster sales. So we will probably work it out so that he can spend the night at his parent's house and participate in the black Friday activities with them.

After dinner last night, my Dad and Brother had to head back to Santa Anna. Jenni and the boys stayed overnight with me. All three boys started the night in Jackson's car bed. But the morning found Jen's boys in the guest room with her and Jackson in my bed with me. She let me sleep in though. I got up to blueberry muffins warm from the oven and my sister cleaning out my pantry. I have an awesome walk-in pantry with great shelving. Unfortunately, I am a disorganized pack-rat. My sister somehow enjoys emptying my pantry, prompting me to get rid of the excess, consolidate, recycle and put it all back in an organized fashion. She also weeded my front bed. I feel bad she worked so hard, but she seemed happy to be doing it and I sure like my cleaned-up pantry.

Mom bought he mom over along with my brother's two little girls this morning. So we had a rare gathering of all 5 grandkids. I am not used to five kids in my house, but it wasn't so bad. They are all good kids. The boys play too rough sometimes and everyone is too loud, but isn't that to be expected? Jackson got a little overwhelmed with all the kids in his turf, playing with his toys, but since we knew he was overstimulated we simply removed him from the living room. We put him in his favorite place -a bubble bath full of his toys. After that he calmed down and was able to play with the kids again.

Everyone took off about 1:45 and Jackson and I headed to the Palace to work for a few hours. He napped like a champ, he was so exhausted. Me too. I expect to sleep well tonight. We shall see if Jackson has anything awesome to say tonight.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

October Anti-med thoughts

Last night Jackson came climbing into our bed at about 2 am, same as he usually does. Instead of a nice clear space in the bed between me and his daddy though, he found David in the area, blocking 'Jackson's' spot. He exclaimed quite loudly for 2 in the morning, "Daddy, you're sleeping in my way!"

I am tired of all things medical. I want to get my port out asap. I don't want to go in next week to get it flushed. If fact, I probably won't. I got a letter in the mail that the cancer center has moved. Left Georgetown Hospital. Guess they got a better deal with Seton - the new one about 5 miles from my house. I haven't been there yet. I am sure it is really nice, but I have been planning my visits on Jackson's school days. I drop Jackson off in Georgetown and go to the appointment and then to Georgetown. So now I will have to drive to Georgetown to take Jackson to school, back to Round Rock for my Appt and then back to Georgetown to work.

So I may have to change my habits, do it on a non-school day and take Jackson with me or get child-care. That is fine, but it adds to my distaste for any unnecessary visits. Like port flushes. I haven't used this port since December, but faithfully every month I go in, suffer the uncomfortable and sometimes painful access and flush. And I pay for that service, not much, but it isn't free. And I just want the thing out. I feel it in there floating around, hanging out there reminding me of my past need of it. It mocks me. (It doesn't really mock me, I just really wanted to say that.) I tried to call the office this week to see what I have to do to schedule its removal, but with the move came a new number and I keep forgetting to find the letter they sent and change their number in my phone.

I also don't want to have scans any more. At least not every three months. I am just tired of living like a fragile sick person every day, keeping a calendar of appointments, exposing myself to more radiation. Cancer will always be there, hanging over my head and maybe it will come back and maybe it won't. But I am sick to death of thinking about it and living life with my eyes always on my next scan, waiting for it to proclaim me well for another day.

Both Dr. George and the doc from the Planet Cancer retreat indicated to me that if this cancer comes back we will know it without a scan. I will have symptoms and my blood work will show something. Then a scan can confirm.

So out, out damned port. And back off on the scans.

I got off the headache meds again. I can't be on them if I want to have another baby. Headache doctor says so and so does the lady parts doctor. I can't be on them. So in my current mood of 'screw all things medical' I quit taking them. Again.

And I lost 3 pounds in under two weeks. I suspected they had a hand in my inability to kick the last five or six chemo-pounds as that is a side effect I have read about. And this proves it for me. So I don't really want to get back on them. But the headache and dizziness are back too. I have been sitting here googling migraine associated vertigo and treatment options and there are other meds. But they are all category C or D for pregnancy. Not good. I get some relief with antihistamines, but am finding conflicting information on whether Allegra is ok or not. I can't just be dizzy and in pain all the time. But I have been told that most women don't have migraine problems while they are pregnant.

Course we don't know if I can actually get pregnant and when/if that will happen. I just gotta get myself to a point that I am not taking harmful meds to hamper the process. So I am going to kick the nortryptaline habit if it kills me.

Ha ha, I am laughing now because I realize cancer survivors shouldn't use stock terms like "sick to death of" and "if it kills me." But I think it's funny. Reminds me of a discussion we had at the Planet Cancer Retreat. We all sat around talking about all the dufus things non-cancer people say sometimes. And we all seemed to experience some version of people thinking we are not entitled to complain about petty problems. Like "You shouldn't worry about things like that, you should just be grateful you are still alive." Really? I should? Thanks so much, you have put my life into perspective for me. I won't worry about life's problems at all any more since I am just damned lucky to be here.

I guess I shouldn't. I guess they have a point. A small one.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Why isn't it raining brokers and execs in NYC?

Headline from Fark.
"Flush with taxpayer cash, AIG executives head to "conference" at expensive luxury resort."
A $440,000 retreat for the AIG executives. A big 'suck it' to all of us taxpayers.

I can't even begin to describe how angry that and this whole bailout makes me. This picture, however makes me feel a tiny bit better.

Here's the ABC news article.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Busy Weekend...sooo tired...

It has been a very busy couple days. Last night my Dad came to town to see David's show and we took Jackson to stay at Kid space for the first time. We had gone on Thursday afternoon to check out the place and register. It is a drop-in childcare center that is open til 10 p.m. on weeknight, 12:30 a.m. on Friday and Saturday and 7:00 p.m. on Sundays. I have had a hard time finding help watching Jackson lately, mostly because lately I have been wanting to get out of the house more often to see shows and have a social life. Wendy, who is in the show with David recommended Kid Space and has been using it for years. So we decided to give it a try. They have a large open play space with lots of toys and things to do and Jackson seemed to enjoy himself on the visit Thursday. They answered all the questions I had and we set him up to come stay on Friday so Dad and I could see David's show.

We dropped him off about 6:30, had a great dinner at Outback Steakhouse and headed in to Austin for the show. Which was awesome. It was my fourth time seeing it and I enjoyed it as much this time as the last three times. How could I not enjoy this perfect mix of vocal and comedic talent? I am not going to gush anymore, cause it would be boring and redundant, but really, I am proud to know these actor and overjoyed to be married to one of them. Wow.

After the show, my Dad drove my car home while David and I went to fetch Jackson. Kid Space turns down the lights and puts out sleeping mats about 9ish as they transition the kids to 'quiet time.' But we were not surprised to find Jackson wide awake and happy to see us when we got there. I had hopes that he would sleep, and maybe at some point he will sleep when I take him there. But he doesn't want to miss anything and that means I need to temper my use of evening Kid Space to make sure I am not causing too much sleep deprivation. He was tired already fro a few late nights this week, but him being up till midnight last night meant he really needs to make up on some sleep.

And so do I. Late nights this week - saw David's show on Wednesday, helping out my Mom and Tonya on Thursday and then last night. Not just the show, which kept me out til midnight. It was a really weird night. I was too tired to sleep well, my body ached with it, but I couldn't manage much more than a surface, dream-heavy sleep. Was not restful. And Jackson was probably feeling the same way; he came flopping into my sleep space about 4:00. And then the weird started. At 5:30 in the morning I thought I heard the doorbell ring. My Dad sleeping in the guest room heard it too and we met in the hallway. I let him answer it cause I am a chicken.

But I shouldn't have been. On my porch were three young ladies dressed in some kind of costume resembling witches. Not exactly witches. More color, less black. I shoulda got a picture. My Dad said I should, but it was 5:30 in the morning and I was deliriously tired and not thinking well. It seems these girls were looking to kidnap a Jr member of their high school color guard. Except they had the wrong address and Ashley does not live at my house. This is a common initiation thing with cheerleading and drill teams and such. The parents are all in on it and know that at 5:30 in the morning their daughter will be 'kidnapped' in her jammies to some location for some kind of ritual or other, hopefully nothing dangerous. I didn't ask them what they were going to do with Ashley if they ever found her. I sure wish my brain had been working at the time. My Dad found the whole thing very amusing and he laughed and talked with the girls for a few minutes till they headed out to regroup. Dad had to get back to Santa Anna and since he was up, decided to go ahead and set out.

After I saw him off I went back to my bed where my sleeping child and husband missed the entire thing. I went back to unrestful sleep until about 7:45 when Jackson decided to wake up. I got up with him to turn on some Mickey Mouse and get him out of his pull-up. And almost stepped on the eviscerated dead animal on my carpet. Luckily it was still dark in my room and Jackson could not see what it was, just a dark blob. He assumed the cat had poo'd and wanted to 'take a look at the cat poop.' I got him out of the room and set up in the living room and I threw an old kitchen towel over the deceased mammal and got back into my bed. For five minutes. Because my foggy, over-tired body and brain took five minutes to say, 'hey dumb ass, there is an eviscerated small animal bleeding on your carpet, covering it with a towel and letting it dry is not going to make it any easier or any less gross to clean up. So I loudly sighed hoping the resident cat-gift cleaner upper still sleeping in the bed next to me would wake up and take care of it.

And he did. I helped by fetching gloves and trash bags for the deceased mouse or rat - not sure which, it was bigger than the normal field mice we are used to seeing, but it didn't have the long tail I associate with rats. We broke out the ShamWow and David did the lion's share of the nasty work while Jackson obliviously watched Disney. He's a good man, that David, to wake up and take care of the gift his cat had brought in. And I definitely recommend any other cat and/or kid owners out there to order yourself some ShamWow. I bought them for David and Elaine for their birthdays in August. It was a gag gift because of the stupid commercials we all make fun of. But damn. They are really good for cleaning up Jackson spills, but they also got all the blood and gore out of my carpet. Their trick is absorbency. We poured lots of water mixed with oxyclean on the stains, soaked them totally and then used the ShamWow to soak it all up and it takes the spill/rat guts with it. Ok, I am done talking about that. Yuck. Get a ShamWow. Nuff Said.

So then it was 8:15. On Saturday October 4th. The day of the Leukemia Cup Regatta at the Austin Yacht Club that I had been invited to. Sailboat races benefiting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. LLS invited me to come on the spectator Yacht 9:30 till 12:30. David and I had planned to take Jackson to ride on the boat and see the sailboats, but we were so darn tired we were wavering. Well I was wavering, David was sure. He didn't want to go. I didn't blame him. I was exhausted and wanted to go back to bed. But I also don't get invited to go on a yacht to see sailboat races very often. In fact it had never happened before. So I thought it would be stupid to not go. I was tempted to go by myself and leave Jackson with David. I could take a book with me and just kick up my feet and relax on the boat. But I couldn't do that knowing how much he would enjoy going with me, no matter how much work it would be.

And it was. I mean a three-year-old on the upper deck of a yacht wants nothing more than to hang over the railing to look at the water, which is forbidden. So it was tough. But it was worth it. There were lots of kids there. I met a little girl who was born 5 days after Jackson. She had no hair at all because she was being treated for lymphoma like I had. Once again I was thankful that it was me that cancer struck and not my child. And I was glad I brought him. He wouldn't pose for any pictures, he was tired and it makes him a little crotchety, even when he is having fun. This came out in his refusal to look at the camera for anyone to take our picture. So I tried to take one myself, but couldn't get us both in frame. So here is the best I could do.

We got to see lots of sailboats though. And it was nice and windy and they were going really fast. It looked like alot of work to steer and control the boats, but it looked like they were having fun. And raising money for LLS. So I am glad I dragged myself and Jackson out there.

I was dog tired when we got home and David awesomely let me take a nap. He let Jackson get out of his nap though. And he probably should have had one. He was so tired by 4:30 that he fell asleep on the floor for about three minutes until he peed his pants. (The ShamWow really got a workout today) Poor kid. He woke up and wanted a bath and I got him into his bed at 7:00 and he was asleep by 7:20.

And speaking of sleeping on the floor, this has become a habit for the small boy. We put him in bed, either for a nap or bedtime and he sneaks out into the long hall between his room and the living room and he lays there playing with a car or kicking his feet until we find him like this.

Or this. Not sure what I should do about this. If anything. I am glad I was able to get him to bed nice and early tonight. But he is really over-tired and is sleeping very fitfully. He has halfway woken up crying and disoriented twice. I do the same thing when I am too tired to sleep. I don't wake up crying, I just sleep like crap and have a rough time. So tomorrow I need to make sure he and I both get good naps and get into bed at a decent hour or we both will continue being miserably tired.

Sigh. I sure hope those girls found Ashley. It would suck if she got left out of the whole newby kidnapping adventure cause her kidnappers didn't get the right address. Don't guess I will ever know one way or the other. Geez, I'm tired.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Clean house!

I am sitting in my very clean house and enjoying it. I scheduled a house cleaning for this morning, by the lady who I had cleaning regularly while I was on chemo. I stopped scheduling her last December when I was done with treatment. I felt that I should clean my own house and didn't want to spend the money on something I should do myself. But it got a little out of control lately and needed a really good scrubbing. And with David doing a show and not being around to help, I sure was getting behind. So I broke down and called Chela and she came this morning. Ahhhhh. Can I just look at my mopped kitchen floor and both bathrooms clean at the same time and say "ahhhhhh?"

I got to see David's show again last night with my Mom and Tonya and they loved it. I am enjoying it so much, and as I knew it would be, it was well worth the sacrifice of having David gone way more than was comfortable. It got very hard near the end. But I am so proud of him and proud of the show. I don't know if I ever put up the link to the online review they got - with pictures. So I will do that now. Here it is. See September 21st entry.

Link also goes to a review for The Producer's which finally opened at the Palace last weekend after much labor on many many people's part. I saw a tech rehearsal of the show and was pretty impressed with the production values that were in place at that time. That was a Tuesday and they had 4 more days to get thing ready. I won't see the finished product till after David's show closes in two weeks, and by then, I am sure it will be a well-oiled production. I can't wait. I am pretty proud to work for a small theatre company that will look at a bear of a show like that and say "Hell yeah, we can do that!"