Friday, November 07, 2008

Restless nights and accidents

For the past several months Jackson has been sleeping most of the night in my bed. He comes in around 1 or 2 and stays till morning. The problem is that even with a king size bed there isn't enough room. David requires a lot of space. He can't sleep if Jackson so much as touches him. And Jackson is an active sleeper. He tosses and turns and flails and kicks. And talks. He has a lot to say in the wee hours of the morning.

I have been so reluctant to put an end to this for many reasons. I love being able to hold him and cuddle with him. And though the talking wakes me up, I sure love listening to what he has to say. Lately all he talks about is being buddies. He gets in my bed and says, "Mom, let's be buddies." Or "Mom, we can be buddies together." Or, "We are sleeping buddies, Mom."

But my sleep really began to suffer. He wants to dictate how I lay, "No mom, turn over this way, you need to hold me." And somehow his body knows when it is 6:00 in the morning and he wants to get up. And he starts in on me. "Mom, can I get up? Can I get up now? Is it up time? Can I get up?" Relentless, incessant, unflaggingly persistent. Before the sun is even up, I am bugged within an inch of my life.

And then the time changed. So now his body knows when it is 5:00 in the morning. And it only took one morning of that to make me decide that for sure, Jackson cannot sleep in our bed anymore.

I don't want him to be unable to come in at night if he gets scared. I spent a lot of time as a child running to my dad because of nightmares. But he just can't stay all night. He needs to go back to his room. So I had a talk with him a few nights ago at bedtime. I explained that there wasn't enough room in my bed for us all and that he was keeping his dad and me awake. I told him that if he came into my room at night, I would give him hugs and kisses, but that he would have to go back to his bed. He seemed to understand, but I really feared what would happen. In the past, putting him back in his room has led to an hour or more of crying and loudness and miserableness had by all.

But I was amazed that the very first night, he climbed into my bed and after a few minutes of me holding him, I was able to put him back to bed without incident. He came back a half hour later, came to my bedside and got a few hugs and kisses, then went back to his bed on his own. I was so impressed. Last night he did the same thing. Came in, got hugs and kisses, went back to his bed.

He is still waking up at 6 or 6:30 and coming in, only to be sent back by his dad. That is upsetting him. He has cried both times, but only for about 5 minutes or so. I am hoping this lasts and that he has and will accept that he has to sleep in his own bed, but that his mommy will always comfort him if he gets scared or needs to get hugs.

So we are two months into the pre-school term and Jackson is still having pee pee accidents at least one out of the three days and sometimes two. I have been feeling really bad about this and wondering what it is I need to be doing to help Jackson stop peeing his pants and go to the potty when he needs to. He does well at home and out and about, but at school, he doesn't get there in time. Runs to the bathroom saying, "Oh no, oh no" while losing his bladder all over himself. The teachers say they ask him if he needs to go, but he will often tell me 'no' when I ask him if he is busy or interested in something else. I wonder if the other kids are having accidents and how often. I thought that peer pressure would cause him to not want to pee his pants, but it seems he doesn't really get hassled by the other kids, or if he does, it doesn't bother him enough to get to the potty on time.

I have been kinda beating myself up about it and I talked to my mom yesterday about it. She gave me a whole different perspective. She said it was more their problem than mine. She said I need to meet with them to find out what they are going to do to get him to the bathroom. Reminders are not effective with this particular three-year-old. He needs to be told to go, taken in hand. Their needs to be a bona fide potty break. I know they want the kids to independently go when they need to instead of having any designated potty times, but I think that may be what Jackson needs. He needs the action to stop so he isn't so afraid of missing something. Mom suggested I ask that he be taken to the bathroom whenever a specific 'buddy' goes. Maybe if another kid id going he will too.

She also said to tell them that if they can't get him to the potty, that she will come up every hour and take him herself. I am pretty sure that is just a threat. But I think it is interesting that I have been looking at this as my failing and she pointed out to me that it is just as easily looked at as theirs. I really like the pre-school he goes to, but I do think we would all be a lot happier if he had a lot fewer accidents. And they need to be more proactive with him and I need to have a conversation with the director about it on Tuesday.

This afternoon the mother of one of his classmates called me to tell us that they are taking their son to the circus tomorrow and he has been requesting that Jackson come too. So we are going to meet at the circus at 11:00 tomorrow and take the boys to the circus. Fun times.


Anonymous said...

I was a very focused kid who didn't potty train completely until very late (almost 5) for that exact reason.

It is a problem if they're expecting him to just be perfect. Some kids can do the potty training thing early. But we shouldn't expect all kids to be on the same schedule. It's amazing to me that kids walk on these completely different time schedules but somehow they're all going to potty train at the exact same age. Silly.

Fire Berry said...

Oh, see I don't mean to oversimplify and compare in such crude fashion, but here it is anyway.

In puppy training if your puppy is going in the house, it is always ALWAYS the human's fault unless there is a physical problem with the dog.

Let's review: If you leave your housetrained dog (boy) with friends (at school) for the weekend, and your friends (teachers)blame you for the dog not being housetrained because they never took the dog out, would you feel bad?

Your mom is right.

Anna said...

I was having trouble with our preschool too, Daniel was having accidents and such. The whole deal was that he needed extra attention, and needed to be taken in hand to the potty, and needed extra time to be comfortable once he was in there. Once they realized that no, I was not just going to stick him back in pull ups like they wanted, everything improved. Just cause they have a lot of little people to take care of doesn't mean they shouldn't go the extra mile for your kiddo!