Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Is there or isn't there?

Grrr, I am living in a constant state of health paranoia. With justification, I am watching the dent in my face in minute detail, taking stock of any tiny change. This afternoon I convinced myself there was a spot in the center that could possibly be indicating a return of infection. Now I am not so sure. The tiny spot I saw seems to be better than it was several hours ago. I have had no fevers, I have been checking. I finished the antibiotics a few days ago and have been on the lookout ever since. I have a second prescription for three more days of levaquin, but decided against taking them because my tongue started feeling 'furry' again and I was terrified the thrush was making a comeback. So now I am left wondering if three more days of antibiotic would have made a difference. I talked about it with my mom a few days ago and we decided the infection was going to come back or not come back and three days wouldn't matter. I took all the antibiotic prescribed by my oncologist. Three more pills would have cost me another $25 and I was scared of more mouth issues. So now I am scared of infection again. No fever, the tiny speck I was looking at seems to be nothing. We shall see what tomorrow brings. I will definitely be talking to one of my doctors if I remain scared to death. I feel totally crazy and out of my mind, out of control. Grrr. I hate this.

Other than my sketchy health, I had a good Christmas. Time with David's folks, time with my Dad and brother. Too many gifts. I got several nice pairs of earrings and a small, sweet crown pendant, I call it my chemo queen necklace. Gorgeous. Also ate way too much great food.

Jackson had fun getting way too many new toys. He finally got THE blue truck. He loves it. I will take a pic of it and post it when I get a chance.


Kara said...

Good to hear you had a good Christmas. I was worried about you! Thank God you are okay.

Lots of love and healing thoughts!


- Jeff Tanner - said...

Marsha, thanks for the contact on my blogspot. I am glad to see you are doing well in recovering from Lymphoma. I read some of your earlier posts when you found out you had "the Big-C", and was brought to tears reliving my own emotions from my initial diagnosis...Nov 2. My emotions are pretty "raw" most of the time anyhow, but I can really relate to when people relive their day in the clouds. I am not yet half-way through my chemo (right in the middle of cycle 3). My chemo for my b-cell NHL is pretty intense (Hyper-RCVAD, RMAD) which each session is 6 days in the hosptial. But, it has worked out with not much side effects. Zophran works wonders.

I love the way your blogspot is organized and may try and take some tips for the way you keep the main page short.

Anyway, I will check on your status often and will pray for your continued remission and return to normal life. God Bless.