Monday, September 06, 2010

Ready now...

I am so ready to have this baby.  Physically I feel at my limit and I have potentially 3 or 4 weeks to go!  I can't imagine being this uncomfortable for another month.  The previous statement could probably be repeated verbatim for nearly every woman this close to her due day, I am sure.  I don't remember being quite this miserable with Jackson, but I remember it being hard.  And he was 8 days past my due date and I know I was really ready for him to be born.  But 5 years ago I was walking around the neighborhood in the evenings trying to get things going and doing exercises and things.  And I don't remember it being this hard to accomplish daily tasks.  Like picking things up off the floor.  I don't remember feeling so limited in what I could and couldn't do.  Maybe I have just forgotten.  Or maybe I am 5 years older.  And have had cancer.  And have a baby sitting breech, which means he is all up in my diaphragm making most movement difficult, whereas I carried Jackson very low, which was heavy, but didn't really interfere with my breathing, picking things up, or cause the awesome nightly heartburn.

Whatever it is, I am ready to have this baby now.  And if he wants to come a few weeks early and not be an 8 1/2 pound giant baby that would be fine with me.  As long as he is physically ready, that is. Pretty sure he is big enough.  Just want his lungs and such to be ready too.  Course I was on steroids for a few days so I bet he is ready too.  Heh, if he were head down as he should be, all these braxton hix contractions could be putting me into labor anytime now.  But without the pressure of his head down there helping things progress, I wonder if natural labor will take a while to happen.  Sigh.

I have an appt with the OB tomorrow morning.  We'll discuss trying to turn him from breech, but unless the doc is seriously gung-ho and confident and expresses it is a no-brainer and a piece of cake, we are leaning toward not attempting it.  We just kind of feel like it might be too stressful on the baby and on me and that perhaps we ought to just leave him alone.  He may still turn on his own.  Or not.   But we'll deal with that as it comes.  I just have these awful visions of wrapping the cord around him weirdly or causing the placenta to tear.  I dunno.  I guess I'll talk to the doc about it tomorrow.  But I just feel a little unsure about the risks.  Guess I'll see what answers tomorrow brings.

And I know that no matter what kind of birth experience this turns out to be, I will always have the precious memories of Jackson's birth, when I had pretty much everything my way.  The birthing center was so calm and private.  And the midwives supported me without any feelings of me being the odd one who didn't want pain medications.  Jackson was born in a gorgeous Victorian room on an antique queen-sized sleigh bed with my mom and husband on the bed with me.  Andrea was there and when Jackson was born, he was placed on my chest and we met him and held him without cutting the cord immediately.  I don't think they even weighed him for an hour or so.  And we all went home 6 hours later.  It was awesome.  And I have such a sense of accomplishment from the experience, like I imagine marathon runners must feel.  It was a test of endurance and though it was very hard, it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. 

I'll be at the hospital this time.  My situation is different now.  And if I am able to have a low-intervention birth once again, I will be very grateful.  I know there are some serious pros and cons to delivering in the hospital.  And I am trying to focus on the pros.  Such as staying a few days.  It was very nice to come home to my bed after Jackson was born, but the problem with that is that we were all still on the clock.  My mom rubbed my back for 12 hours of labor and now we were home and still needed care.  Staying in the hospital means that my caregivers can go home and crash afterwards.  And I also won't have to fight my natural inclination against bed rest.  At home, I was up doing things when I should have been in bed resting.  A hospital stay will force me to rest at least for a day.  More if I end up having a section.

We are really getting down to the wire now.  My misery aside, this baby will be born in a matter of weeks if not sooner.  If my feet don't pop from all the edema, I will make it through with too much groaning and complaining to suit my husband.  And much crankiness.  I am definitely cranky.  Poor David and Jackson. 

1 comment:

Mindy said...

Marsha - the last month is always so hard! I have always thought that instead of trimesters, pregnancy should be divided into simple halves - the first 8 months being the first half and the last 4 weeks being the second half, as they seem to last about the same amount of time. I feel for you - hang in there!
That aside, I just wanted to add that my third birth experience was not all that I hoped it would be - I had to birth in the hospital when I would have preferred a home birth, and had similar feelings of loss and disappointment that the birth was not going to be what I had envisioned. But you know what? Despite how it went in terms of setting and level of intervention, it was beautiful simply because I got Will out of it, and those few hours of less-than-ideal and non-preferred labor and delivery have been long superceded by the moments and days and years since. Keep your chin up - you're almost ready to see your little man's face, regardless of how it is revealed! :)