No baby for me.

Long, painful story in a nutshell, as of last night I will not be having a baby in February. All my discomfort and bleeding led to the inevitable end and it is over. And I am sad and disappointed.

And pissed off at the medical establishment. I am RH negative which means I need a shot of Rhogam so my body doesn't make antibodies against RH positive blood I may have been exposed to from the baby. I need it soon so as not to endanger subsequent pregnancies.

The birthing center can give me the shot but they are out of network with my insurance company and it will cost $125. I don't want to pay $125 for a shot my insurance should cover. So I got on the phone.

I called my family doctor to see if they have it and would give it to me. They don't have it and neither does my gynecologist since she doesn't do OB. Which I think is stupid since she prescribes fertility drugs. If you are trying to get people pregnant shouldn't you keep some Rhogam around in case you are successful but they have a loss? Neither would the docs call in a prescription for it and let my mom, an RN give it to me. So I talked the birthing center into referring me to the Perinatologist I saw last week for my ultrasound. They said I could come in for the shot, but would have to have an exam and ultrasound as well to confirm the miscarriage and make sure I am not retaining anything. Fine. I can do that.

But then they called back to say that I would still have to pay out of pocket for the Rhogam because I am not pregnant anymore. Cause Dr. B is a high-risk pregnancy doc and I am not being referred for a high-risk pregnancy, but for a miscarriage. So either way I have to pay for the whole thing. Motherfuckers. I cancelled the appt.

I have $125. I can pay for it. But I don't fucking want to. And I don't want to drive to Austin for the privilege of getting this shot of gold that I must have but am having a hard time getting.

So I am about to go to the ER. They can do an exam, give me a shot and send me home. I will probably pay $125 for the ER visit but I don't care. I can't believe this is how I have spent the morning after I lost the baby. On the phone. Trying to find a Rhogam shot that my insurance will cover.

Typical.