Bloggy blog

I should start by reporting that my PET/CT scan came out clean - no evidence of lymphoma. And no one knows what is up with my hand. Just that there was 'uptake' in my left hand so it lit up on the scan. But there isn't anything wrong that they can see and they don't think I have cancer hand. So whatever, I am just not going to worry about it, since I honestly think if there were something wrong with it, I would feel something.

Other than that news there is only this: I am having a really hard time blogging lately. I seem to have lost the secure feeling that describing the near-intimacies of my life are actually interesting to other people. It almost seems like extreme egomania to assume that people are eagerly waiting to read the mundane ins and outs of my life.

I mean do you really want to hear about my visit to the girly-parts doctor today? We are looking at this year's results closely because my last test came back abnormal, but because I was on chemo at the time they let it go. Oh, I guess here is something interesting: I do not have HPV. I have been tested for HPV, I swear at least 10 years in a row. And every year they reveal with awe that I don't have it. And I have had abnormal tests in the past and the docs always seem flabbergasted that I don't have it. This is an STD that something like 3/4ths of women have. My last doctor told me that you could take 10 women on the UT campus and 9 of them would have it. It causes abnormal cervical cells and sometimes cervical cancer. And most women have it. But not me. That may sound like bragging, and well maybe it is. But I had cancer dammit, let me be happy that I don't have HPV.

So since I don't have HPV, they didn't worry last year about my abnormal cells. But if I still have them this year, I will have to have more tests. But I can rest assured that those further tests, unpleasant as they might be, will not reveal that I have HPV. Since I am one of the very few who don't. Okay, now I am bragging.

See? Is this interesting? I guess no one is forcing anyone to read it. So I can write whatever the hell meaningless BS I want to and if people go "What is this shit? We want to read about cancer and living and deep, meaningful thoughts!" Well, they can stop reading and find a blog more to their liking.

There. I feel better already.

Maybe I just got inspiration because Bridget Jones' Diary is on the TV in the background and no matter how so-so the movie is, the book is great. Meaningless fun. And I loved that Bridget was so obsessed with her weight. Each diary entry began with a run-down of her weight, how many cigarettes and booze that day and a calorie count. Only in a book you can do something that you can't in a movie. They never tell you her height. Only her weight. And as she loses weight and gets down to 118 or 119 pounds her friends begin to comment on how sick she looks. So you get the idea that Bridget is not actually heavy at all. Only neurotic. But in the movie, they have to cast an actual woman to play the part. So Bridget has to be a bit pudgy. And then in the stupid sequel she was even bigger. Unnecessarily so. I just want to yell. She wasn't fat. She was weight-obsessed and insecure, but they never actually said she had a weight problem. Anyway, I loved the original book. Lots of girly fun.

And today the stock market is tanking. And I have a wild urge to go spend all my money - excuse me, I mean credits. Cause I don't have any money. I have only credits that stay at the bank and I debit with my plastic card. Not sure what that matters, but all the sudden I have an urge to call my money 'credits' and also the urge to spend it. Cause it may not be available to me tomorrow, I guess.