Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Where's my inspiration?

Why do I always have so much to say, so much insight to share in the middle of the night after my kid wakes me up and I can't go back to sleep? And then I get done with a long day of mothering and theatre-ing and I can't remember a single nugget of wisdom that I wanted to share. I mean, I got nothin.

I can report that Jackson is about 98% potty-trained - even at night. He decided that the cheap HEB pull-up knock-offs that I bought were too scratchy and he wants his underwear instead. So we gave it a shot and he stays dry most nights. And at naptime at work. Naptime on the weekend he seems to backslide a little bit. And he has also decided that the stains in his underpants from using them for #2 are unacceptable. He won't wear them. So we may have to invest in some new underpants now that he is not using them as a toilet and understandably doesn't want to go around in stained panties. We shall see.

Friday July, 28th was the last time Jackson and I had fast food for lunch. This summer has been a fast food summer cause Jackson is out of school and I want to get to work early which means taking our lunch. And instead of packing it, we were getting Wendy's, Golden Chick or McDonald's several days a week. And my pants are getting tight and I am feeling sluggish and bloaty. And it isn't good for Jackson. I can justify him eating gravy by the spoonful right now because he is so tiny and needs the calories. But Tonya recently pointed out, not-judgingly, that he is building habits right now and the habit of fast food is not a good one. And my pants are getting tight. Did I mention that? The little bit of weight I dropped sweating in Whorehouse is back with a vengeance and I don't like it. You just can't eat that crap everyday and not pay the consequences, unless you are me at 15 and not almost 32. So we have been packing our lunch and eating better. We have been, I said, as if Jackson helps me pack the lunches. I guess he supervises.

Oh, I remembered something I was thinking about at 5:30 this morning. My port. I think I want to get it taken out. It is bothering me lately. It is a foreign object stuck in there threaded into a major vein (or artery, whatever). I worry about it coming loose or getting infected and I have to go in to get it flushed every month. It is uncomfortable getting it flushed and I have to pay for that. And I also think about the scar. What if we coordinated its removal with a plastic surgeon who could remove the large scar from the implantation and let my skin start fresh. I think it would just be a couple of extra cuts. Not too difficult.

Course I worry that I will get it out and my next scan will come back with lymphoma and I would be sorry I hadn't kept it. I guess I could just get another one put in. And I am supposed to be thinking positive thoughts that the cancer will never be back. And if that is the case then this port needs to go. I don't need it and I don't want it. So next scan is in September. If that is clean then we get it taken out. So there.

Tomorrow is David's birthday. Jackson and I bought one of his presents together and I have been paranoid that he is going to tell his Daddy what we bought him. So far it remains a surprise. We both got the day off and will be having a dinner with his parents either here or at their house. David can't decide what he would prefer.

I also have a dental appt tomorrow morning. So here's to no cavities!

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