Cranky-pants

A few things to report. My CT scan came back clear. So yay. Cancer is still gone. So I guess I am glad I ate the paste and endured the barium belly.

Friday night was opening night for the play David directed at the Palace; Daddy's Dyin Who's got the Will? It was a great opening. Well attended and well received. It is such a funny, yet touching show. So much family dysfunction and pot humor. But Daddy really is dying and the cast really brought out how painful that is, not just the caricature that it could be. David did a good job. He really is a great director - he finds the relationship moments to go along with the funny moments. And his actors are awesome. Very well done.

I went to the migraine doctor Friday morning to talk about the headaches and vertigo-like symptoms I have had since running out of my meds. So I am going back on the meds even though I don't want to take pills every day. And I am getting another MRI. She said the symptoms I have are migraine symptoms and not withdrawal or anything caused by the meds. The meds were controlling the symptoms. And since I did not initially present with those symptoms when I had the first MRI two years ago, they consider it a new symptom and want to do another MRI to make sure nothing has changed in there. She says they don't expect to see anything but want to look none-the-less. I will schedule that this week.

I may ask them if I can drug up before the appt. The last one really freaked me out, being in the long tube that you can't see out of. I am somewhat claustrophobic and it was really hard to sit in the tube without moving for an hour. I kept having to do breathing exercises to keep from freaking out and yelling for them to get me out of there. I have been thinking about it, trying to determine if all that I have been through, all the treatments, have made me better able to handle it. But no. Thinking about the tube and being stuck in there makes me shudder still. But this time I have some Ativan left over from chemo-relief and it sure would be nice if I could take that and reeelllaaaxxx my way through it instead of working through breathing exercises. Course I'd need someone to drive me and someone to watch Jackson. So that may be a luxury I cannot have, depending on when it is scheduled.

David and I are thinking of scheduling a two-day get-away just us two. I am feeling discontent. Bogged down in housework and potty-training and meeting him coming and going the past two and a half months. I want to do something fun. I want to go see a movie even, or stay a night or two in a nearby bed and breakfast and just get away. He starts rehearsals for his next show in a few weeks and I will be a near-single mom again and I am not looking forward to it. I am so excited he will be doing the show. But I am pretty worn out by the kid. I don't know how single parents do it all the time. 4 or 5 days a week for a few months and then this long tech-week stretch I just did has left me cranky.

Of course I realized yesterday that my crankiness may be due to the near-constant headache always hanging out there in my brain. So maybe getting back on my meds will help my attitude a lot. Heh, now that I think about it, the drug I take for headache prevention is a mild anti-depressant. Same concept, it seems, of messing with the serotonin in your brain helps with headaches and migraines and with depression. So perhaps the low dose of Pamelor I am on for my headaches also helps me be less cranky. Wouldn't that be nice. Cause I am a cranky-pants lately. The heat, the poop and pee, the way too many nights spent alone on my couch with bad tv and web-surfing, the unending toddler destruction of my house, headaches, barium paste and bad hair. Yeah. I am cranky.

Poo.

But I don't have cancer. So I should just shut up.