Tuesday, December 18, 2007

PET Scan Fun

Bright and early this morning Mom and I headed to 38th street for my PET/CT scan. It went pretty darn smoothly, especially compared to last time when it took two needle sticks to get the IV and the nurse/tech lady was horrified by helping the cancer patient remove her earrings. This time the staff was great. I scored the awesome paramedic to do the IV the first time and the tech didn't make me drink every last drop of the barium. She was nice enough to gauge my size versus the huge cup of barium they give everyone and tell me to drink at least half of it. I spend my 'quiet' hour snoozing wrapped in warm blankets and surrounded by pillows and it passed quickly. The scan itself was a little different. I usually put my arms over mu head, this time they strapped them to my waist and also put a strap over my forehead to hold my head still. I haven't had to be strapped in and wrapped like a mummy before, but I didn't mind too much. I did get a pretty serious itch on the tip of my nose during the PET scan. I realized there simply isn't anything you can do when halfway through a PET you get an itch. My arms were strapped down and I wasn't allowed to move an inch even if they weren't. The last thing I would want is to have to start the test over cause I had to scratch my itch. So I started listening to the music they had playing and singing 'Feliz Navidad' with it over and over in my head. Eventually, the itch decided to go away unscratched.

This afternoon, I received a gorgeous winter flower arrangement, roses and white lillies with some kind of green berries, just gorgeous. When I opened the card I was surprised to see they were from David's work. DMi sent me flowers. The card reads, "As you rest and heal, know that you are thought of warmly and wished a quick recovery. Sincerely Digital Motorworks."

I am very happy that my husband works for a company that would make such a caring gesture. Of course, really, what this means to me is not simply that I got some pretty flowers, but that the company that David works very hard for values him as an employee and as a person. They give a shit that his wife is sick and that it must be very hard for him to continue to be there day after day taking care of business. He has missed very little work due to my cancer. He has had the opportunity to work from home when he needs to, a privilege he has not abused, and he really hasn't let my illness cause him problems at work. I think our whole family has come together to make sure it didn't. When your wife is sick with a very expensive illness the last thing you want is to screw up at work and lose your job and health insurance. So thank you so much, DMi, for sending flowers and caring that I am sick, but most of all for recognizing the kind of man my husband is and how lucky you are to have him working for you.

One of the executives met with David over some accounts yesterday and David told him that I was getting out of the hospital. Dom told him to get out of there and go home. So when I got home from the hospital yesterday it was to a clean house with the Christmas tree and candles lit. Very nice. He must have missed me a little bit.

I know Jackson missed me. My heart breaks a little for how hard it must be to be such a little boy with a sick mommy. This morning David had to bring him in to see me when he got up. He wanted to make sure I was still here. And this afternoon I was holding him and he said, unprompted, "Mommy home now. Mommy not going anywhere." Just breaks my heart. But he's right dammit, I am not going anywhere.

Tomorrow morning I go into the Cancer Center to see Dr. George. He should have some preliminary results from the PET scan. I am confident it will be all clear. I really think I have kicked cancer. Now I just need to kick pseudomonas and make sure my bones keep kicking out the good white blood cells. Come on bones, make me proud.

I have an eye appt on Thursday, but I think I need to reshcedule it. I would have a doc appt every day this week if I don't as I go in to see the ENT on Friday morning. He called me about 7:00 last night to make sure I get in to see him this week. I am sure the pseudamonas scares him as it does me. Hopefully he can help make sure we lick this thing and heal my face.

I have a dimple in my cheek now. It isn't in the right place for a dimple, it is too high, in the apple of my cheek. If it were just a little lower and to the left a tad it would just look like a red dimple. Not exactly what I wanted to get out of cancer. First, I wanted to just get out alive, but I didn't expect to be facially scarred. Not a cool consequence. Chemo sucks. I sure hope my insurance will pay for a little reconstruction/cosmetic help for me in a few months. Heh, this time last year I was about to film a commercial. Not with this face, baby. I simply can't seem to get rid of the anger over the dent in my face. Does that make me shallow? I am alive. Cancer and screw-ups have tried their best to kill me and I am still here. Battered and bruised and scarred, but here. I can't change what has happened. I have no control over what happened. I wish I could just shrug it off, say 'oh well' and get over it. Time, I guess.

So early next year, probably February, David and I are taking a trip to NYC to see a few shows. This is a gift from my Father. Neither of us has been to NYC and it is high time we get there. I know we deserve to go on a trip and have a good time and get away from all this horribleness. Hopefully by then I will be whole and healed and ready to have a fabulous time. If anyone has any show or hotel suggestions let me know!

3 comments:

Fire Berry said...

Young Frankenstein!

The Holmes said...

Good luck with the scan! We're thinking of you over here in Holmes-land.

Jooley Ann said...

> Does that make me shallow?

No, absolutely not! You have every right to be angry about it. Even when disfigurement is expected (e.g. with breast cancer), it is awful. To come away from lung cancer with a facial scar is maddening. I'd be pissed, too.

I'm so glad the news was good! From my experience with my mom's cancer, I'm sorry to say it was indeed several years before we *really* breathed a sigh of relief, but that being said, things got a little better with every consecutive test and scan.

Here's hoping the docs have all their ducks in a row, and you're done with this for good!