Monday, November 12, 2007
Ahh, a morning breakfast that doesn't include a handful of steroids is a welcome breakfast. It is almost hard for me to imagine that I may never have to down them again. I may never have to sit for four hours while chemo drips into my body while I control my nausea. These thoughts are almost as surreal to me as the morning the nice doctor told me whatever was in my lung was malignant. Almost.
I am kind of feeling like recovery is going to take an intensive mind shift. I have spent months dealing with life as a series of good days and bad ones and with the mindset that I can't do certain things. After my next scan (cross your fingers) declares me clear, I will have to stop the knee-jerk I cant's and figure out how to live in the 'Yes, I fricken can!' mindset. Could be an interesting few months while I figure it all out. I do know that I can't simply try to rewind to before cancer and just keep doing what I was doing then. Too much has changed. It would almost be an insult if I didn't do something with my life, now that I get to have it back.
Perhaps the Chemo Queens project is something to pursue, and a book about my experience as a Chemo Queen.
My CT scan is on Nov 19th. I am going to be nervous about those results, even though I feel very confident that it will be good news. The best news.