Monday, November 12, 2007

Bald self-portrait


Ahh, a morning breakfast that doesn't include a handful of steroids is a welcome breakfast. It is almost hard for me to imagine that I may never have to down them again. I may never have to sit for four hours while chemo drips into my body while I control my nausea. These thoughts are almost as surreal to me as the morning the nice doctor told me whatever was in my lung was malignant. Almost.

I am kind of feeling like recovery is going to take an intensive mind shift. I have spent months dealing with life as a series of good days and bad ones and with the mindset that I can't do certain things. After my next scan (cross your fingers) declares me clear, I will have to stop the knee-jerk I cant's and figure out how to live in the 'Yes, I fricken can!' mindset. Could be an interesting few months while I figure it all out. I do know that I can't simply try to rewind to before cancer and just keep doing what I was doing then. Too much has changed. It would almost be an insult if I didn't do something with my life, now that I get to have it back.

Perhaps the Chemo Queens project is something to pursue, and a book about my experience as a Chemo Queen.

My CT scan is on Nov 19th. I am going to be nervous about those results, even though I feel very confident that it will be good news. The best news.

4 comments:

Jooley Ann said...

I *love* the Chemo Queen project / book idea. Love it love it love it!!

And gorgeous photo. You've got one fine lookin' bald head!

Anonymous said...

What a great photo. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. I have enjoyed reading your updates and am amazed by your resilience. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

your husband said...

I love you, baby. You can do anything you want if you set your mind to it. Except get Jackson to take his shoes off in bed. That's more or less impossible.

Ronni said...

Go Marsha!
Go Marsha!
Go Marsha!