On the upswing

Today I woke up shaky and weak, but not in much pain. And throughout the morning I felt stronger and better. Yay!

We managed a huge grocery run without incident. Daddy had to skulk out a yellow race car cart and run get it for Jackson before it was gone. Once seated in his coveted yellow car, clutching his HEB balloon, the boy behaved pretty darn well and we were able to shop easily.

Toward the end of the trip he spotted a package of 6 cars that was irresistible to him. About the size of cell phone, these cars were bigger than the regular Hot Wheels he is used to and he looked at them with such joy that we decided to get them. Even after our previous steadfast opinion that he has too many damned cars and doesn't need new cars every time we go somewhere or every time a Grandparent visits.

But these cars are different than what he has. David and I stood there discussing it for five minutes. What are the reasons not to buy them? He has enough cars. He is spoiled. He has to learn no. They are $7.00. He only really wants the blue one the other 5 are a waste. Why get them? They are bigger than the Hot Wheels. He has obvious joy for them. We don't want to deal with a tantrum at lunch/nap time in the store. They are only $7.00. He really wants that blue car. He held the package in the cart with reverence and kept saying "neeewww carrrss" like a boy spellbound. We bought the cars.

Sigh. Parenting is hard. I still don't know if we should have bought the cars. They have kept his attention for the rest of the day. As expected, he cherishes the blue car and it has been one of the two he has had with him all day. And he took it to bed with him. I just don't know how you are supposed to not spoil your kid with toys and candy when it is so darn prevalent and right there at the stinking check-out stand, which is another topic altogether. In the end David and I have pretty much decided that the rule is no more Hot Wheels. Unless they are really special. Or he really wants them and they are cheap. Or we are just pushovers. Sigh. In the end, I think we have decided nothing.

I was feeling well enough this afternoon to attend the baby shower of an old theatre friend, Tara. It was good to put on a little make-up and nice clothes and drive myself somewhere. I haven't driven since Monday two weeks ago. I had a really good time talking to ladies I hadn't seen in a while. Tara looks great 3 weeks before her due date. She has the glow for sure; note her rosy cheeks in the pic. Jackson came with me and I was afraid it wasn't going to go well since he didn't nap well today and was seriously pissy in the car on the way.

But we got to the party and he was wonderful. When at social gatherings, my son tends to be an angel. He is a social butterfly and an absolute charmer. He has no concept of strangers and he loves to flirt and play with anyone who has an open smile and takes an interest. He is a performer, I think. He turns on sometimes and there is no stopping him. He charmed the pants off of every lady there and had them all commenting on how good he is. I did tell them that he is a normal two-year-old and has all the expected behaviors at times. But then, I really do think that he is an unusually happy guy and when not hungry or too tired, he just tends to get along in the world. I was tremendously proud of him. He is my boy. He says please and thank you and isn't wild and out of control. I love him so much and am very proud to be his mother, even when I have to drag him screaming out of Walgreen's cause I didn't buy him a balloon.

Tracie, at the party, made an interesting observation about Jackson that I hadn't heard before. She said he moves like a cat. She was watching him wind in and out around the guests and the food table and noted that he didn't bump into things or knock things over and moved in such a way as to avoid contact with objects. Sleek like a cat. Interesting. I'll have to watch for that. But I do know that he walks lithely on his tippy-toes and doesn't spill things terribly often and drinks well out of a cup for a toddler. Could it be? Do you think? No, that would be too much to ask...but...is it possible that Jackson has balance? That illusive quality that has ruined many a dance audition for his Mom and Dad? Cause his Dad and I have flat feet and no balance. Has Jackson overcome his DNA and now holds claim to grace and balance? I can only hope and watch.

I was googling around last night about the Neulasta shot and the subsequent bone pain. I wanted to read some cancer message boards and see what others were saying and doing about the pain. It was fun and therapeutic. I found some fun message threads where cancer patients bitched to each other about the pain. Fun, I say, because to laugh at this pain is great. Something that made me laugh were comments such as this one:

"On a side note I felt I had to say something about neulasta's web site...is anyone else royally annoyed at the marketing campaign for neulasta? The commercial / web site / info brochure says that most patients complain of "mild bone pain" that can be treated with Tylenol...I found this for me to be an egregious understatement to the point of being criminal."

I quote that post because I have been saying the same thing. Mild to moderate bone pain, my ass. I went through labor and childbirth drug free and literally without complaint. And I thought that hurt. The bone pain is equivalent. And this post set off a string of complaints from cancer patients that included everyone's personal description of the "mild bone pain." Such as these jewels:

"When I first got neulasta I had so much pain it felt like every bone in my legs from my ankle to my hip was being crushed by an elephant, a screwdriver driven into the base of my spine, and the jaws of life squeezing my sides...all at once."

"wisemoose, have to agree with you about the comment "minor bone pain" what a crock that was. minor bone pain my a** ;-("

"Mild bone pain? When i got my first one, i thought i had a Slipped disc!"

"To say that one experiences mild bone pain from these injections is like saying that a Bone Marrow Biopsy is "slightly" uncomfortable."

"Minor pain!" HA! for at least 3 days after each, I felt like I'd been hit by a Mack truck! It was simply excruciating -- and I have a lifelong history of handling pain really well, too! I'm here to say that Tylenol sure didn't do the trick for me!"

I read the posts and had a good time laughing and commiserating with people on a long-dead message thread. Is it odd that reading other people's complaints made me laugh and feel better? I guess it just felt like a great bitch session with people who knew exactly what I was feeling. Pain, yes, but frustration too. Cause if you read the Neulasta web sight, it does makes the bone pain sound like a rare complaint that can simply be handled with Tylenol. Are you fricken kidding me? I am the toughest person I know when it comes to pain and it lays me out on the couch for days. Tylenol my ass. It just feels good to say that and read a forum of others who don't enjoy the 'mild discomforts' of bone pain either.

Happily, the worst of that is over for another 10 days or so and I am ready to enjoy my good health till the chemo-fairy comes for me again.