Monday, September 24, 2007

Chemo Disapointment

At my appointment with my oncologist this morning, we learned that my blood counts from the CBC on Friday are too low for chemo tomorrow. I had another blood draw to see if it came up in the last three days, but while it did improve a great deal, it isn't enough for me to have chemo tomorrow. I have to go in for a shot of Neupagen tomorrow to kick start my bones into making more blood cells faster then I can probably have chemo on Thursday.

I am really disappointed. I wanted the experiment with no Neulasta to be a success. But since my counts bottomed out late in the game, it looks like I will have to have the shot for the rest of the chemo cycle. That is ok. I can handle the pain. I just really don't want to delay chemo, not even for a couple of days. I like the Tuesday schedule. My mom is with me Tues and Wed, then my Dad comes for Thurs and Fri. On the Thurs schedule, I only get my mom for Thurs since she works on Fri, Sat and Sun. And that means I get one less day with my Dad, too. I enjoy the Tues schedule - not the chemo, but the time with my folks. And I can't get back to it after this round. I may be able to do the next round on a Wed. But the Tues schedule is done for. And that really upsets me. I guess I just have my routine that works and any deviation from that is upsetting. This is hard enough without schedule changes. Blah. I am upset.

Jackson was a bit of a handful this morning. He remembers everything now. When we pulled up to the Cancer Center, he started talking about the fish. He remembers that the lobby has the huge fish tank. And that they have candy. As soon as we stepped into the exam room, he started talking about M&M's cause last time we were there I has some in my bag and gave him some to keep him happy. But I didn't have any this time and he kept talking about it and it was so cute, the nurse went and found a small package of Reese's Pieces which he likes almost as much. So he ate the little package and proceeded to have the biggest sugar rush I have seen him have. We had to talk to the doctor over him cause he was talking at the top of his voice and giggling and bouncing off the walls. Oops, remind me not to provoke a sugar-rush at the doctors office again. He didn't want to get in the car seat when we left to go get my labs drawn. He kicked and bucked and screamed and it took both me and my Mom to get him buckled in. He was so mad, he yelled the whole drive over to the lab. Would be much easier if I could have had my labs drawn at the Hospital, but I haven't pursued my reinstatement as a patient yet. I am still kicked out thanks to Aetna's crappy pay schedule.

Jackson calmed down at the lab and played outside on the sidewalk with Mom while I got my blood drawn. I was lucky to have the same lady as Friday. She is good. Doesn't hurt me much at all.

Then we walked across the parking lot to a Mexican restaurant there for lunch. Jackson was pretty good until the waitress brought out a couple of tacos - one for me, one for Mom, but not one for Jackson. He was so upset that she hadn't brought him a plate too. We tried to share with him and to explain that the hot food would be out pretty soon. But he just kept pointing at the waitress and crying the cry of the broken-hearted. It was really the saddest face. So cute, but so sad. He was really hurt, I think, that we had left him out. He perked right up when his food came, though, and with a big spoon, ate almost all his beans and rice and half an enchilada. Poor baby just wanted to be included.

I tried to go to work right after lunch, but my day continued to be off. Got to work, got his bed made up and he was all ready to get in it when I realized his little fan wasn't working. It would turn on, then off, then on, then off. Jackson was concerned, kept saying "I can't turn it on." And I knew he would have a hard time sleeping without the fan and the little red light on the fan that he likes. I considered going to the store real quick for a replacement, but I was beat by that time. With my blood counts being so low, it makes sense that the morning wore my ass out. So I decided my work day was done, said goodbye, put the boy back into the car and went home. Sonja was good enough to see that I would be better off in bed myself. Plus Larry and Matt were there, so they are pretty much covered, I think.

I took a good nap myself and Jackson is still in his bed after a good 3 hour nap. He is awake and having one of his refuse-to-come-out episodes. He does this occasionally. He may yell some and if I go in, he tells me to close the door. He doesn't want to get up, he just wants to sit in his crib and be cranky. And that is fine with me because I am cranky too. Blah. No chemo till Thursday. Blah.

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