Monday, August 20, 2007

I am not sure how to begin this blog today. It has been a full day for sure, but should I rank things in order of importance or start with the mundane and work up to the big stuff? Hmm...I think perhaps since one thing touched everything else today, I should start there.

From reading the blog of a friend of mine and fellow blogger, I learned that early this morning her husband took his own life. The details are sketchy and mostly hearsay so all I know is that he shot himself and died in the ER and she was by his side. I cannot begin to understand the depths of his pain and the horror of what his family must now deal with. I can only say that my thoughts are with her and all those touched by this tragedy.

He was an important man to many of my theatre friends and family, especially to the young people of Round Rock and Sam Bass Theatre, he was a mentor. At work today, there was a hush and a stillness of people coming together to grieve or to simply ask why. I know we probably will never have an answer that will satisfy, but to Ronni, who may read this when she is able, I just want to say how much this truly sucks and I am so sorry you have to live with it.

I had lunch today with my dear friend, Brian who I have not seen in some time. He has been living at ACC the last two years training to be a radiological technician. He graduated this month, top of his class, and had the leisure to meet me and even made me some of his famous pecan bars. Mmmm. Those of you who know Brian's pastries, be jealous, they are just as good as you remember. We had a great visit and Jackson behaved well and scarfed all the IHOP he could eat.

I managed to get a few things done in the office today. I am a bit out of the loop and it is a little hard to know where to start. But I figured out the new credit card machine and entered a stack of reservations and season ticket purchases and felt good doing it.

I do feel like I have developed a case of ADHD. The message boards I have read call it chemo brain. I have a hard time concentrating, I have to read an order three or four times before I get it; my reading comprehension is not what I am used to. And I am easily distracted and have to ask myself all the time, "what was I doing?"
This is not my normal brain function. And other chemo patients tell me that I am not imagining it. So at least I have an excuse - chemo brain.

Right on schedule, my body has begun to ache. It was this time last round that the bone pain started and sure enough, here it is. At least I know what to expect and that I need to start the pain meds now instead of later when I am really hurting. That goes against my nature. I don't like to medicate unless I am really hurting. But I am told that if I get on top of it before it gets too bad, that I may be able to manage it better and with less drugs overall. So I am going to try it. Right now my whole trunk, from my shoulders to my knees feels bruised and tender to the touch. And it's humming. Yup. Humming. My legs are humming, not throbbing, just humming with warmth. Very odd. It is what I like to call 'pre-painful'. A warning. Sigh. We shall see what the night brings and whether I will be going to work tomorrow.


Darlene said...

Marsha, Donna told me yesterday evening you had been diagnosed with Lymphoma and were taking chemo. Today Laraine shared your email with me so I've spent the day crying. I agree, what better person to emulate than Laraine. You're right, she'd kick cancer in the ass. I know you will too lovey. Why do bad things happen to good people? I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Hang tight, you've got so much to fight for. Know I am thinking of you every day and will follow your blog. If there is anything I can do please tell me. Your friends at good ole St. David's are still here, able and willing.

Ronni said...

Thanks, Marsha...It's very wearing...