Yesterday was a tough day. I was tired and short of breath from the getgo. It is amazing how little activity it takes to make me feel like I just ran around the block. I can't carry Jackson anymore.

We had a wellcheck at the pedi for Jackson in the morning. My mom came and took us to that. Jackson was having a rough time. Crying cause I wouldn't let him play in the water in the toilet, crying cause I wouldn't give him ice cream for breakfast, and refusing to eat the waffles that I did make him. My mom wrangled him into his clothes so I didn't have to. I was just hoping he wouldn't be getting shots at the visit. He didn't. Apparently he is done with shots till his 4-year-old visit. So that was good news. He is still small. Still only 21 lbs. That is less than 5%. But he is sure getting tall. He is 34 in. plus a little and that is the 50%. Which means that he is taller than half of the boys his age. So he is going to be tall and thin like his dad was. Dr. Unite was wonderful as usual. We told him about my diagnosis and we talked a bit about it.

My Dad recently suggested I find a part-time preschool for JAckson to give me more rest and flexibility with Doc appts. I thought it was a great idea, but Dr. Unite and my mother quickly put the kabosh on that idea. Chemo severly lowers your white blood count and weakens your immune system. If I send Jackson to preschool he is going to be constantly bringing home colds, viruses and other illnesses. While it would be nice to have the Jackson break, the risk to my health is too great. So Jackson stays with me. I am ok with that. I have a ton of people who would watch him if I schedule things well. Instead, we discussed a housecleaning service. I want to find someone to come in and clean several times a month, both so I don't have to do it and so the environment gets de-germed more often. I think that is a great idea and am going to look for a service right away. If anyone has a recommendation I am open to it.

In the afternoon yesterday I had my PET/CT scan done. This is what made the day so damn hard. I wasn't allowed to eat all day in preperation for it. Normally I could probably handle it, but now if I don't eat I feel terribly sick. I started feeling weak and light-headed from no food around 10:30 and it only got worse from there. We arrived at ARA at 1:15 as sceduled and waited in the lobby for over an hour. I felt myself becoming weaker and I turned to my mom and asked "So what happens if I pass out in here? Do we have to reschedule?" Mom felt my pulse, which she called 'thready' and was about to have me lay down in her lap when they called us back. Finally. I had a hard time walking unassisted so they brought out a wheelchair for me. Tells you how sucky I felt, I let them push me around in a wheelchair like an invalid.

After 2 tries with the IV start they finally got one in, but it was too small for their comfort. They watched it constantly while I got the radioactive sugar infusion. This is what makes the PET scan work, something radioactive. After they gave it to me, they made my mother wait behind an iron sheild and I'm thinking "this stuff is so bad you can't even be near me, but it is ok to shoot into my veins? Alrighty." They put me in a warming room to percolate or whatever for about 45 minutes. They were also nice enough to leave me with a cup full of barium to drink. Nice white chalky liquid lightly flavored with coconut. Yuck. But the actual scanning only took about 20 minutes and was not uncomfortable. I just had to lay there.

On the way home Mom picked up a pizza. It was 4:15 when I finally was able to eat something, and you'd think I'd pig out, but I didn't. I ate as much as I could which isn't much right now. I am having a hard time eating sometimes. It feels like the food gets stuck in this one specific spot and it hurts. Mom thinks it is an affected lymph node pressing in where it shouldn't be. It makes things uncomfortable sometimes.

I was just so wiped out yesterday that I couldn't do the show. Steel Magnolias went on without me last night. Joni says they did well. I am glad. I am disappointed that I couldn't do it, but I was pretty sick.

Today I feel great in comparison. I have eaten and not had to run all over to appointments. I am going to be able to go on tonight. My Dad has come into town unexpectedly to see me and he is going to the show if I go on. And it is 2pm and I feel good. If I can get a nap in and eat another couple of times today, I should be fine and dandy to go on. Yay!