Aversion to a version

No dice on the version.  Baby likes where he is and isn't interested in turning over.  We only managed to aggravate him and make me sore.  But I am not really sorry we tried.  I am resigned to having a section unless he turns over on his own, which is very, very unlikely. 

So the version.  I'd heard it described as uncomfortable to excruciating.  I'd say it was somewhere in between.  Painful, but I've had worse - bone pain during chemo could kick external version pain's ass.  Heh, it kicks labor and delivery's ass, as I have said before.  Childbirth is nothing, I have been through chemo.  I doubt c-section recovery can touch neulasta bone pain.  But I'll let you know.

We checked in to the hospital at about 7:30 and I filled out paperwork and answered a billion questions that had nothing to do with my version or even having the baby.  Do I live in a house or an apartment?  Ok.  Let's waste an hour on demographics.  Whatever.  They put me on the monitor to get a baseline reading on the baby.  The infamous monitor.  I have seen and heard much about the electronic fetal monitor.  It is one of the many reasons I avoided delivering my first child in the hospital.  And it was everything I expected it to be.  Two transducers, two belts velcroed to your bare belly sending readings every second to the computer.  Itchy and uncomfortable and limiting your movement, I can see why it would be so damned difficult to labor without drugs while hooked up to these things. 

In the birthing center, the midwives take fetal heart tones every half hour as required by regulation just like they do in the hospital.  Except they come to you wherever you happen to be laboring - the tub, the birthing ball, walking around - and they place a hand-held doppler to your belly, listen to  tones and then chart it.  The technology doesn't interfere with your ability to move and actively manage your labor pain.  I can see how hard it would be to lay in the bed strapped to the monitor and cope with labor.  I guess that is one good thing about me having a section - I guess I don't have to attempt to do just that. 

When my doc came in he did an ultrasound to determine that the baby is indeed still breech.  Then he fetched his little brother, which I didn't expect.  They are in practice together, both OB's and apparently they do versions as a team.  And what a team they were.  They are both very upbeat, jolly dudes.  I like them a lot.  They just seem to love what they do and do it with joy and humor.  So in comes my doc's little brother, John and they start discussing who is going after the 'booty' and who will go for the head.  And together they pressed and pushed and tried their best to lift baby's butt and guide his head around.  his head would move pretty well, but they couldn't get his heiney to come up.  After two tries, they decided to give me a shot of terbutaline to relax my uterus and give it one more try.  Terbutaline felt like taking about 6 puffs of my asthma inhaler.  Speedy heart rate, shaky, a bit high.  Then they tried one more time to the same effect.  Nope.  Not going.  It was time to let it go.

They put me back on the monitor to make sure that the baby was still doing well and once they got a reassuring reading they sent me home, very tired and drained, but glad to be done.  I wish he had turned, but none of us were willing to keep pushing the issue when it wasn't working. 

So two weeks from now, unless he turns on his own, we will have to have a section.  Not really what I want to do.  But I am not in control here, and I can't dictate this.  I can only educate myself and ask questions and make requests that seem to be in my and the baby's best interest.  Such as, I want to nurse this baby in the recovery room as soon as possible. 

The thought of being numb, but aware while being cut open gives me the heeby-jeebies.  I have had a lot of procedures done in my time, but I usually can rely on the fentanyl/versed cocktail to render the experience surreal and not so scary.  But in this case, that is not in the best interests of the baby.  So I need to be aware and with it and it seems pretty scary to me.  David is pretty apprehensive about being there too.  I'm sure we'll get through it fine, so many people do. 

I just have to get through two more weeks of being uncomfortably pregnant.  I'm pretty sore tonight from the version attempt, but Tylenol helped a bit and it should be better tomorrow.

And I have to deal with my dear, sweet kindergartner as well.  Times are sure changing.  My boy isn't with me every day.  I feel a sense of loss right now because I feel like he has passed out of my control into a totally different realm that I can't really know all about.  I don't know what he does all day.  I have to rely on the daily interrogation of a child who can't really tell me what I want to know.  He can't answer "Are you secure in your surroundings?"  "Are you getting what you need from the teacher?"  I feel like he has been torn from me a little.  He is now spending more time with the state than he is with me.  I know all the working moms with daycare kids are now irritated with my whining, since their kids have been doing that all along.  But I can't help that this is hard on me. 

And I feel like his behavior is a little different.  He seems a little more worldly already, a little less likely to listen to me, he's a little more irritable and emotional.  Just seems a little resentful.  I could be imagining it.  Or more likely it is because I am getting him back tired after a full day and I have missed his good moods.  I guess evenings before dinner have always been cranky times but before I had him much more of the day and had the better times to even it out.  I dunno. 

Also I have been giving him antihistamines to combat the itchy, runny and stuffy nose he has had for weeks.  And reading around online has led me to message boards populated by parents complaining that claritin and zyrtec turned their sweet children into emotional, aggressive monsters.  Could this be a culprit?  Could I be dosing him with something that is making the transition to full day, all week kindergarten harder on him? 

Why is parenting so damned hard?  I am trying to stop his nose from itching all the time.  He continually licks his palm and rubs his nose with it because it itches, making it red and raw by the end of every day.  So I try to medicate him and put cream on his nose at night and in the morning it is much better only to be red again when I pick him up from school.  I can't be there to put ointment on it 3 or 4 times a day and it must just itch all the time.  Thus the claritin - which hasn't really worked. 

So I tried the zyrtec but it has a worse reputation for behavioral issues and depression, but a better track record on allergies.  Seemed to help his nose, but I gave it to him at bedtime and the next day at school, he got his first 'bad' incident on his daily chart.  And when I picked him up he had a complete breakdown because he left his water bottle in the classroom and it was locked in there.  Could be a coincidence, but I feel incredibly guilty if the medicine is making it harder for him to deal with his emotions.  But the question remains, what can I do about his nose if the meds either don't work or make him a wreck?  I'm not going to keep giving them to him, but I don't want him to suffer all the time with an itchy, runny nose.

So much to think about.  New baby, c-sections, my little boy becoming more worldly and not so attached physically to him mommy.  Geez.  And cankles. 

And my car that has been giving me problems.    It is at the shop - probably going to get a new battery.  But that means I probably can't work tomorrow and have to figure out how to retrieve Jackson from school again.  Blegh.  A margarita sure would be nice right about now.