Jackson's Birthday

Today was Jackson's 4th birthday and we were pretty low-key about it. David is in tech week for Big River and I am not feeling great. So we had a little birthday for him at the Palace with his Palace friends and ate some cake. He had presents to open - mostly cars and car paraphernalia - from the volunteers at the Palace who have seen him every day since he was born. It was a good little party. We promised him we'd have another party on Saturday with his Omi and Grandpa. So he knows he is not done with his birthday. But I think he would probably be content with his presents today if no more came. He took some of his new cars in his bath and to bed with him.

I can't believe he is already four. Time sure flies. It doesn't seem that long ago that he was a tiny baby. Of course it was a lifetime ago and BC. When I was a long-haired youngster who hated drugs and refused to give birth in a hospital. Ironic that I was so vocal about not liking drugs and medical intervention and I ended up partaking, 2 years later, of the most potent and poisonous interventions available in western medicine. Funny. Kind of.

I have been on a roller coaster for about a week now with this pregnancy. I have been having off and on cramping and spotting and at some moments I am convinced that I am miscarrying. Then it all stops and my nausea and pregnancy symptoms come on full force and show that my hormones are still up so maybe everything is ok and I am worrying for nothing. But it is driving me crazy, not knowing. I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow and we will have some answers. They can tell me right away if they see a heartbeat or if this pregnancy is not meant to be.

So think good thoughts for me tomorrow. I am hoping it is all false alarm and worry and that is all.