Wednesday, August 16, 2006

How do you know if you are sick?.....

I am going in for an MRI tomorrow to see if my constant headaches and increasing number of migraines are due to anything significant. Like I dunno - a brain tumor. I seriously doubt that is the case. But the headache specialist says they have to look. So there you have it. I am going in to rule out a brain tumor, it says so right on the order sheet.

It just got me thinking. If you were sick, really seriously sick like that, would you know it? Would you have an inkling way down deep that there was something wrong? I kind of felt like that on Friday after yet another migraine sent me to bed for the afternoon. I really scared myself by thinking that maybe there is really something wrong with me. How can you have a headache nearly every day and not have a brain tumor or lesion?

But then I got in to see the best headache Doc in Austin. She was Lady Bird Johnson's Neurologist when she had a stroke a few years ago. And it was just a stroke (ha ha) of luck that I got in right away. They had a cancellation the phone call before me. So when I visited the Headache Center they put my mind at ease (ha ha). They said that most headaches are chemical and/or hormonal and not due to tumors etc. I am going to go on a regimen of medications taken at bedtime to try to correct the chemical balance in my brain so maybe I won't go thru every day with a mild to excruciating headache.

And I hope it really works because my friends and family are really noticing a change in my personality. People are continually asking me if I am ok, if I am feeling well or am unhappy. I am fine, I tell them. I am not depressed or unhappy, just in a constant state of trying to ignore the fact that I have a headache. I am just trying to keep moving, keep living. But I guess I am letting people down somehow. My own husband told me that I seem unhappy and am not as vital as I was.

Sigh. I am ready to get all my tests done so I can start the meds to stop these headaches. Can't believe I actually want to take meds. Not something I normally volunteer for - natural childbirth and all that. But I don't want to walk around 'not myself' anymore. Funny how you can subtly morph into another personality without noticing it till someone points it out to you.

1 comment:

jooley_ann said...

I'm sorry to hear this, M! Take good care of yourself, and here's hoping the meds will knock this out right away. You'll be in our thoughts!! --J

PS - If it's hormonal, you could always get PG again.... ;)